A Faithful Journey

A Faithful Journey - Mission Accomplished!

2011-12-18T22:08:00.002-06:00

Today, my sweet daddy went to Heaven to meet our Lord.

I've been flooded with emotions in the last 8 hours. He was a special, special man who loved his family, his friends, his faith, and his Father. What a blessing.

For the past months in the hospital he was just saying he wanted to go home, then last week we got to bring him home. Then today...he got to GO HOME!

His journey inspired so many people.

Journey complete - mission accomplished - GOD IS GOOD!

Moving Day

2011-12-13T10:51:00.002-06:00

If all goes as planned today, Dad will be moving home this afternoon/evening.

If you're cheering, thank you - but we ask that you prayerfully be cheering! Is there such a thing?

We're asking all our prayer warriors to pray that this transition is smooth and this is what dad needs to PERK up and get his strength back. Being in the hospital has been a challenge mentally and physically, our hope is that being at home will give him some peace of mind and give him a jump start!! He is still very, very weak.

Hospital bed and electric lift are being delivered soon. A transport company will then move him from the hospital to the house.

I will keep you posted when I know more.

~Karyn

My mom always said...

2011-11-14T08:06:00.003-06:00

"if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" Well, that's why it's been almost a month since I posted anything on the blog. I didn't have much NICE to say. To be honest, I've struggled with finding the positive in any of this lately! The last month was rough.

I've lost count, but I think we're on like day 75 of him not being at home. I would see my dad lay in that hospital bed and think "how can he come back from this, he's so sick?" I was doubting he could ever get better and I know God could see through my prayers. I vented to one of dads very best friends in the world, James Bailey, the other day and he gave me some encouraging words, "Never forget that even things we can't believe will happen are NOT impossible for God." Then I walked in to see dad this Wednesday and he was so much better, he was the best I had seen him in months!! It's NOT impossible for God!

PLEASE PRAY that he can get strong enough to stand up from the bed. That's what has to happen so he can go home! We need dad to walk. After laying in a bed for 70 something days the muscles forget what they are supposed to be doing.

We want him home for Thanksgiving!

He's got a long way to go to be 100% but getting out of the hospital and being HOME would help him so much! Also, please keep praying for mom. She's taken off until Thanksgiving to take care of him. Being the caretaker takes its toll, she is worn out.

Thanks for your constant prayers and support!

~kj

10/19/11

2011-10-19T17:15:00.002-05:00

Dad is getting to move out of ICU. Woo-hoo! Now, he's not 100%, he still has the stomach infection he's been fighting and his body is very, very weak. He also has some swelling in his arm, last time that happened there was a blood clot, we will have to wait and see. We're just praying him being out of ICU will help - it's depressing in there!

We did get awesome news, his folks from work have donated him vacation through December! AMAZING! Wow, what a blessing, God is good!!!

He'll be on the 2nd floor at Mercy, I'll keep you posted about if he can have visitors.

Thanks for your prayers.

~kj

Our Faith

2011-10-15T21:14:00.003-05:00

We are relying on God to get dad through this! That's all we've got - OUR FAITH!

He's still having hallucinations/psychosis, and he repeats himself over and over. He wants to prove to us he knows words and can read and remember things. He didn't pass a swallow test (I act like I know what all this means, but I don't) so they are giving him food in a tube that runs up his nose tonight. It's difficult to see, and we're praying it stops soon. The first day he was humorous, which was good - mom and I needed that good laugh, you know the kind that make you cry! It was good to laugh....but now, we're ready for it to be done. They are saying it should stop, that the meds still haven't metabolized - so we're waiting for that to happen.

Please pray that the doctors will CLEARLY be able to see what the next steps should be for dad. Things seem so murky, like they aren't sure! Just please pray they ARE SURE what needs to be done and they know what steps to take. Please pray for my sweet mom too! We know God is in control of our faithful journey!

So, I don't really think my dad would be very happy with me if I didn't go on to say this...if you're reading this blog and you don't have faith - if you don't know Jesus - if you don't have a peace knowing there is something more than this life, something amazing - then PLEASE reach out to us! Even if you don't know us, that's okay! Our family would love to share our faith with you! We know that even though this is a sad, scary, frustrating, uncertain time for our family - dad's going to be fine! No matter what, he'll be fine! God is good!!!!!!

Peace & Love

~kj

10/12/11

2011-10-12T22:21:00.002-05:00

Wow. This has been a day.

First off, most people know that my dad's parents were moved into Tealridge Assisted Living last Monday. Unfortunately, we found out today that Papa really needed to be in the memory care area. So my 2 uncles, their wives, and DJ and I moved them into the memory care area tonight. Tealridge has been really great to work with them. It was challenging and sad for my Nana, but it's the best for Papa - he's safe there and that's what we need. His safety and peace for Nana.

The reason I'm letting you know about the history with Nana & Papa is to also say that they don't really know EVERY detail about my dad right now. {They just left their home town of over 50 years and moved here...we're taking one day at a time with them!} They know he's at Mercy. They know he has a stomach infection and they can't really be around him since their susceptible. That's about all right now - and that's plenty!

So now about dad. Mom showed up at Mercy ICU this morning and there was a hose up dad's nose. My mom started asking questions and found out that he had been unresponsive since last night. They did several tests and scans and did everything they could to figure out what was going on. His brain looked good, no stroke, no bleeding, and no clot from what they could tell. So why is he unresponsive!?!?! (Like I'm meaning can NOT wake up!) This is what they are saying - he was given a dose of pain meds on Tuesday evening for the pain and since his kidneys aren't just working 100% the meds sit in his body and don't process correctly. They are SAYING he should be awake by in the morning. Well, they're saying and we're praying.

So that's our today.

We are firm believers that God's plan is so much better than ours! We (mom, dad and I) have all struggled with control - we like to control situations. We can't control this - what we can do is rely on God to get us through and we can rely on our friends & family to support us and pray with us.

Recent Events...

2011-10-07T11:07:00.002-05:00

Sorry I've been bad to post lately.

Here's some recent events

Dad was moved to a skilled nursing center several weeks ago

He was very tired but was making some progress, worked with physical therapy and speech therapy

He walked 15 feet with his walker - awesome!

Started not feeling great again

Got an infection

Got moved back to Mercy

Trying to get stronger again, he's very weak

He was too weak to do 2nd chemo treatment, we will have to see if he can when he's strong enough

We're taking one day at a time!

Dad has asked for no visitors at this time. He's so tired and even though he LOVES seeing people, he can't rest well with people popping in and out. Please keep praying for strength & healing, and pray for mom too she's pretty worn out.

Thank you all for your continued support & prayers.

Searching & Praying

2011-09-16T10:10:00.003-05:00

It doesn't look like dad is going to be able to get into the Mercy Rehab wing or into Jim Thorpe either, due to the fact that he physically can't do the rehab exercises for 3 hours or more each day.

At this point mom is looking into some other places for him today. (The hospital is ready to move him, they can't really do much more.)

So, when you pray please be specific (we are firm believers in specific prayer requests)...

We need him to get accepted into a GOOD physical therapy facility (his insurance only approves a few places, pray that one is good)

We need the team there to work with him and get him stronger

Please pray that these chemo treatments work! (He'll have another one in about 20 more days.)

Please pray for my mom, she's tired. Working, checking on things at home, and going back and forth to see him 24-7 is hard on her.

Pray for dads will to fight!

Thank you for being our prayer warriors!

~kj

Not much to report...

2011-09-13T21:14:00.003-05:00

It's been a rough few days for dad, multiple health issues have come up so are we just taking one day at a time. If these issues get cleared up in the next few days they will move him to the rehab wing of Mercy.

I thought he seemed better today, and maybe he didn't seem so exhausted. He did have a bout of nausea today, but never vomited so that's good.

Thanks again for your encouragement, sorry I don't have more to report!

God is good!

Day 1

2011-09-08T21:04:00.002-05:00

Well dad started the 2 day chemo last night, he did pretty good so far. The next one starts tonight. He is still VERY tired and weak. His legs really hurt him and he's obviously scared to stand for fear of falling again (because he's so weak.)

They are trying to give him protein supplements since he's not eating much. Today's protein was a shake...he was not a fan they will try something new in the morning.

Please keep praying for his strength. If you want to send an encouraging card, I'm sure that wouldn't hurt anything ; ) their address is on the right side of the blog.

Thank you all for loving my wonderful parents!

God is Good!!!!!

Options

2011-09-07T08:21:00.003-05:00

Yesterday when the oncologist came in he mentioned another chemo treatment he could try. It's an IV treatment that hopefully will not cause neuropathy side effects. It's 2 days on IV then off for 21 days (then repeat.) I mentioned to the doc that dad would need some kind of care for those 21 days since we can't physically care for him at home. He said he would try to get him accepted into the rehabilitation wing at Mercy. He was there after the spine surgery, not his favorite place on earth but it hopefully will be a good thing for him. Please pray they accept him. It's basically a rigorous 3 hour a day workout. He has to build his strength back up - and right now when physical therapy comes for 30 minutes if he says he's too tired they say, "OK". Rehab wing doesn't say "OK" they say, "sorry you're tired, now get up!" He's gonna love it. {smirk}

We know God has a plan in all of this. Pray that He is glorified through all of it. Of course we want his body to respond well to this treatment, we want him to be accepted into the rehabilitation program, we want the cancer to miraculously go away - but we also know we are not in control. We know God is in control and we're trusting in Him to see us through.

God is Good,
Karyn

3 Years Later

2011-09-05T07:40:00.003-05:00

So many of you have been asking about dad. In the last few weeks his condition hasn't been great. He fell at home about 3 weeks ago and he went to the hospital. He has severe neuropathy that was caused due to the chemo he was on. After that fall/incident he came back home and he had some hard weeks. We were so blessed that a few men from mom & dad's bible class stepped up and offered to be at the house with him during the day since mom was starting school.

This past Friday he went back to the oncologist and they admitted him back to Mercy. He was tired and weak. Then Sunday morning his blood was low (bone marrow or plasma wasn't doing what it was suppose to...I think, to tell you I don't really remember what wasn't working right! It was one of those.) So the blood really perked him up yesterday - it was the BEST he'd been in weeks! We knew he was feeling good, he was so ornery!!!

At this point we aren't sure if there are very many local options here for treatment. There is a Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa and there is a large hub of doctors that treat dads cancer (multiple myloma) in Arkansas so that my be an option.

So now what?? Tomorrow we hope the oncologist is back and we can get some direction. What direction? We're not sure. We know God has a plan.

You all have faithfully followed his journey and prayed for him for the past 3 years - thank you and KEEP IT UP!

I'll keep you posted as I have more info...

God is Good,
Karyn

The Harvest

2011-03-09T12:38:00.002-06:00

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, after a year of non-blogging, I think it is time to get back in the habit of making and keeping contact with everyone. I said at the outset that I would not write if there wasn't something to say. And, with the changes that are going on right now, I think I need to tell you about the new things that are happening with me.

Some of you know that I am undergoing stem cell transplants. If you do not know, the stem cells are my own. They harvest the cells, put them on ice and then put them back in my body. I have been on a medication (Neupogen) for about the last week and it is boosting my white blood count so my blood will successfully carry the stem cells through my blood stream. I had a little surgery on Monday to put in my line ports -- I call the ports my "in faucet and my out faucet". I will keep the lines until after the cells are infused back into my body. The surgery wasn't very painful so I hope I can get used to the ports being there.

When I came in yesterday, they could not do the harvesting because my cell count was too low. I have no idea what the numbers represent, but I was told that mine were a 3.8 and they want it to be a 10.0 So, they sent me over to Dr. Holter's office (Holter is my stem cell specialist) and they gave me 4 shots. One of Neupogen and one shot of Mozobil. Now between these mediciations we are looking at about $30,000 worth of medication. I'm not sure I am worth all of that. Today, when I'm finished, they will send me back to Dr. Holter's office and she will give me another set of shots.

Today they actually started the stem cell harvest. I got to the Oklahoma Blood Institute at 9 AM and they connected me to the harvest machine. The blood is taken out of my system and cycled through the machine. and the stem cells are collected -- then, tomorrow we'll do the same thing again, and every day until they have the cells needed. I've been told they need 200,000,000 -- but who knows. I just know they will harvest enough for two infusions. Everyone here at the Ok State Blood Institute is really very nice, and extremely helpful. I really appreciate their kindness and care.

After the harvest I will continue with my physical therapy. The weakness in my feet and legs (secondary to the damage to my spine due to the cancer) has Dr. Holter a little concerned and she wants me to get stronger. So, hopefully the physical therapy will get me a little stronger and I can go ahead and get the transplant / infusion sooner rather than later.

I won't bore you with a lot of chatter today, but I will try to keep a little more information coming on a regular basis. I would just ask that you pray for me and for Debbie. All of this is quite difficult on us and we are thankful for any and all prayers on our behalf. We thank you for your care and concern.

God continues to take good care of me, and we rest our faith in him. You know King David put his faith in God and God cared for him and he was even called a "man after God's own heart." I hope to continue to be the kind of man God wants and needs for me to be. So keeping my faith in God is my ultimate Goal -- and whatever he plans for me is what he wants. Please pray that I can keep my faith in our Heavenly Father.

Grace & Peace to all... --Bob

Two Years!!!!

2010-09-17T07:59:00.002-05:00

You can read all about our 2 year God is Good celebration RIGHT HERE!

Things I've Learned....(Part 6)

2009-11-16T08:44:00.002-06:00

Things I’ve learned while living with cancer and in Recovery.

Part 6: “My life will never be the same.”

(Medical Update: I will meet with my oncologist on 11-19-09. We will talk more about the chemo, the steroids, and the remission… and how I am doing. I am having LOTS of swelling again. Look for an update a week from today… sooner, if the news is worthy.)

Tonight I went to a Celebrate Recovery leadership training program. Actually, it was more of a leadership renewal program. The education team brought us together to help us reevaluate our own recovery and to help us re-direct and re-focus our own healing as we reach out to others who are in suffering. After a few wisely chosen songs and strategically selected scripture readings, we addressed 16 questions about our recovery. Lots of soul searching those 16 questions will create for me.

Then, Randy Roper, a minister from a neighboring church came and shared with us a story of how he and his wife, with God’s amazing help, made it through the full-term still-birth of their baby daughter some 7 years ago; and then the two miscarriages that followed. Heart wrenching; touching.

Randy told about a nurse that stayed with them as they prepared for the still-birth delivery. How she catered to their needs, and how she was, in his words, “an angel of mercy.” He told us that at one point the nurse said, “You know, this will become your ‘new normal’.” When Randy said “new normal” I froze as they sunk into my mind.

I will use this concept of a “new normal” in my next few blog entries and how the events in my life (surgery, cancer, remission, recovery, etc.) have created my new normals and how they have affected my life. So, if you are following my blogs, please chew on the idea of how change (good or bad; pain or pleasure; sadness or joy) brings a “new normal” to your life. Answer this: What is the event(s) in your life that changed your life forever, and gave you a new normal?

I look forward to sharing my insights with you over the next few weeks.

Grace & Peace,
-Bob

Things I've Learned....(Part 5)

2009-10-26T10:34:00.002-05:00

...Things I've Learned while Living with Cancer and in Recovery

Part 5: Temptation is as Strong now as it was Before!

I always thought that if a person was facing a major or catastrophic illness like Cancer, that making good spiritual choices would be easy. I suppose my perception was that the constant awareness of the disease would be the fence rails that would hold one on the straight and narrow. Well... not so.

I've been a person guilty of sin for my whole life -from unjustifiable sinful actions as an out of control adolescent, to poor choices I’ve made as an adult. I have hurt my wife, my family, and my God. Even in the last year I’ve made lots of mistakes, committed lots of sins, and I’ve not enjoyed a peaceful relationship with God. The fact that I was sick with cancer didn’t keep me from sin.

In short, what I’ve learned is this. I am just as tempted to sin now as I was before I got sick. Just because I had cancer this last year did not mean that I would make healthy spiritual choices. God wants to see me make good choices in my spiritual walk regardless of what condition my health is. And, God will help me (us) make those choices if we’ll just reach out to him for help.

Thanks for reading.

Grace & Peace,
Bob

Things I've Learned....(Part 4)

2009-10-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

“THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH CANCER”
Blog Post #4

4. Without FAITH, God’s GRACE means nothing.

I know that God’s grace is the spiritual transfusion that makes us whole, but for it to work at its maximum level, we have to believe in it! I have always had a hard time with my faith. I allow myself to fall into questioning and anger toward God. So, when there are issues that fully expose God’s wonderful Grace, I try to capitalize on it. This last year I have had many, many opportunities to allow my faith to capitalize on God’s Grace. For example, the chemotherapy that Dr. Keefer (“oncologist to the stars”) gives me has really worked well!!! The blood work where they track my T-Cell reading has dropped from the 1.6 to below the .06 that they can read. BUT, I have to share the most recent “GG” (God-Grace) I’ve had… Two weeks ago my doctor told me that he wanted me to have a PET scan, because he thinks I might be in remission from the cancer! I’ll tell you… it doesn’t get any better than that when we are talking about God’s Grace.

Again, as in every blog, thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. And thank you for praying for us.

Grace & Peace to you all…

Bob

Things I've Learned....(Part 3)

2009-09-29T13:09:00.000-05:00

“THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH CANCER”
Blog Post #3

3. There are two powers at work in this world.
When the cancer was diagnosed, I couldn't help but be shocked, and frustrated. And quite frankly, I was mad at God. I thought I was a great asset to God in my ministry in the recovery program. Why would He side-line me? I worked hard for the program, and I traveled to other churches and preached about recovery-health. I took the message of God's grace to people who needed to know that God was willing to help them over come their hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Why would he shut me down? Unless it wasn't God shutting me down... "A-Ha". It finally it came to me. God had nothing to do with shutting me down. It was Satan. Now I may be 100% off my rocker, but I think Satan saw what I was doing as a threat... a real honest-to-goodness threat to his underworld of sin. Never under estimate POWER… regardless of where it comes from.

Grace & Peace, this week…
Bob

Things I've Learned....(Part 2)

2009-09-21T07:57:00.003-05:00

“THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH CANCER”
Blog Post #2

2. The world we live in is a dependable world.

The world has certain things that are just true. If you shut the engines off of flying airplanes, they are going to fall out of the sky. If you ride your bicycle into the path of a semi-trailer truck, most likely you will die. And if you are cruel to your spouse, and they divorce you, don’t be shocked.
God gave us a world we can depend on so we will recognize what the boundaries are. When my surgeon told me that he thought I had lung cancer that metastasized to my spine, I was pretty shocked. You see, I was a closet smoker for years and I had watched several members of my family waste away from cancer, so it was the way it was diagnosed was the shocking to me. (Once, I quit smoking for 14 years, and then I started smoking again. So, maybe I should add “stupidity” to my list of recovery issues.)

This world is a dependable world. It is God’s way of giving us operational margins.

Grace & Peace to all…
Bob

Things I've Learned....(Part 1)

2009-09-14T08:10:00.002-05:00

I’m going to try something new. The next few weeks I am going to start a blog a series… “THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH CANCER” I wish my title was a bit more “catchy” but I’m not that good. Maybe I’ll “learn a new title”… I know it will contain at least 4 posts, because I already have them written… but maybe it will grow to more. I’m going to keep them short, too. One or two short paragraphs at max! OH, and If there is something medical that I need to share… I’ll tell you. Otherwise, enjoy.

“THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH CANCER”
Blog Post #1: Sept 14

1. God allows us to suffer so we won’t forget where our healing comes from.

I am grateful for my cancer. That must sound very unusual. And, to my wife, who comforts me when I am in physical and emotional pain, I’m sure that may even sound like a lie. But I am grateful for it. Here's why: In II Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul told the church... “But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you. So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.

There are times when I am completely chewed up over the cancer; I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! But there are more and more times that I get to praise God for what he has done to heal me, than complain about the pain or fatigue in my body. I try, as much as I can, to give God credit & glory for every success and good day I have.

God is good!

Grace & Peace
Bob

One Year Later....

2009-09-10T08:33:00.001-05:00

You can read my "One Year Later" post HERE!

Have a blessed day.

2 blog posts in 2 weeks - WOW!

2009-09-08T07:32:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends & Family,

(If you don't have time to read all of this... jump to the last 2 paragraphs... )

Since all of my health issues started, I've had a significant amount of swelling in my feet, legs, and abdomen. Typically, if I don't wear my socks and shoes (compression socks, at that) then my feet swell a lot! Well, once the feet start to swell, then there go the legs. Lots of swelling. At times, my legs swell so much my slacks cuff gets stuck on my calf, so when I stand up, I have to literally reach down and pull my cuff where it should be. And then, I could clamor on all day...and night about this giant "hump" on my right side. Again, swelling, swelling and MORE swelling.

OK, now all of this is going somewhere, so hang with me.

I take my chemo-therapy (a capsule) 21 days on and 7 days off. When I take my last pill (in the 21 days cycle) I am supposed to telephone the maker of the chemo and take a survey. Then, I am to call my physicians office and report that (1) I have taken my 21st capsule, and (2) that I have called the maker of the chemo and I have taken my survey. Then, the doctor's office will fax the prescription to the "high touch" pharmacy (in Ohio). Then the next day I am supposed to telephone the pharmacy and begin the process of orchestrating the UPS delivery of the medication to my home. Once the pharmacy has the prescription filled, they have to call me and I have to have a conversation with the pharmacist to make sure I don't "share the medication, have unprotected sex with a woman of childbearing years, and that I don't donate any organs, blood, or anything else anyone might want from me" (that is all true... stupid, but true). Then... they ship the medication to me and I have to sign for it or UPS won't leave it. I'm out of breath just telling the story.

Still, I'm going someplace. Hang with me.

I took my last chemo-therapy capsule someplace around the 25th of August. Well, as you might understand (from the previous paragraph) that ordering my chemo-therapy can "slip the mind". Ok... let's be honest here... I intentionally waited a few days to call it in; then I really DID forget. So, I've been off the chemo for about 12 days. (Don't be concerned, I told my doctor what I did and he said that it would NOT hurt me...much.) Anyway, I received the chemo in Saturday's UPS delivery and I will start it tonight.

Now... here is where I'm going.

Being without the chemo for 12 days, I discovered that I have no swelling in my feet and legs. Yes, no swelling. And.. if that isn't great enough, I've also noticed that the big hump on my right side, although still there, is not as bad as it was. The swelling is going down, and there is less pain in my side. And, I'll tell you... for me that rocks! So, I know without a shadow of a doubt that the chemo causes the swelling. The doctor and I have both wondered if it was caused by the steroids, the chemo, or if some of the swelling sites were tumors. Well... that worry, although frustrating, is not a worry any longer. It is the Chemo... not tumors or new cancer issues.

Continue to pray that I am moving toward remission. Because if I am in remission or near remission, and if I get to go off of all or even some of the chemo (or change to a different one) then all these swelling issues will go away. God is good, still more and more.

Grace & Peace to all.

--Bob

Doctor's visit and report from 9-1-09: GOOD NEWS!

2009-09-02T08:28:00.001-05:00

Dear Friends and family...

I have intentionally held back on my blogging until I knew something to tell. Well, I think I have something to say today that will be worth hearing. I'd like to say all of this is "conclusive evidence" but I can't. It is speculation, but it is such good speculation, I can't hold back the sharing. We will know more in about 6 weeks, but this is what happened yesterday...

Yesterday, September 1, 2009 I went to see Dr. Michael Keefer. He is the Oncologist that takes care of me. In the course of my appointment. He said, "I want you to have a PT scan sometime in the next month to 6 weeks." (Now, I've been told that a PT Scan is the most conclusive of all the scans and it is "the" test above all tests to verify where the cancer is.) And before I could ask, "why?", he said... "I think you might be in remission."

This is the first time that Dr. Keefer has said anything about me being "in remission", or that it is even possible for me to go into remission. He went on to explain that my blood work (where my cancer is tracked) is so low it is almost impossible to detect. And for the third appointment in a row, he said, "I wish my other patients were doing as well as you are!"

He said if I was in remission (again, we know more in 30 to 45 days) then he plans to take me off of some of the medication, or at least alter the medication I am on. He says there are other chemo-pills I can take that might be a little easier on my system, and if all goes well, he plans to reduce the steroids.

Well, it won't come as a surprise, but I cried a little. Dr. Keefer and I talked about how God's grace was evident in my life, and how he, as an oncologist, was able to see God's grace every day. He hugged me, and I thanked him for being my doctor. It was about the best doctor's appointment ever.

Prayer request: What EVER you are praying for me... don't stop. Please pray that I am in remission, and that Dr. Keefer continues to treat me with the best medication possible. Oh, and he still says the big ugly hump on my right side will eventually go away. He says it is not a tumor, it is just swelling and possible it is swelling because of the steroids and/or the chemo.

And, I do want to apologize for not blogging these last 3 months. I really didn't have much to report, and I'll be honest...a little frustration goes a long, long way for those of us who suffer with depression. But, I'll try share more often than I have in the past. Thank you for your prayers, concerns, cards, and calls. I am thankful for each of you.

God is good...

Grace & Peace,

--Bob

Monday Update.....

2009-05-04T08:05:00.001-05:00

Dear Friends and Family,

It seems that every week or two I tell you that my blood work is great and that I am doing well. And, again, this week, I have that same kind of information. Last week I was in the doctor's offices and labs. I got the results of my lab work in the doctor's office on Friday morning and It was perfect. My Para-protein (where the cancer is tracked) was down to a 0.18 from the 0.2. Not a huge drop, but any drop is a drop. The A1C (90 day blood sugar evaluation) was down to a 5.6!! Back a few years ago I remember my blood sugar was up to 12.0 once... then down to a 10.5 My doctor has been astounded I have fixed the blood sugar over the last few years. It is almost un-heard of to move the A1C down so much in a such a short time.

My biggest problems at this point is not the diabetes or the cancer. The biggest issue I deal with is adjustment to the residual issues of the back surgery. My legs continue to get weaker and weaker. I don't have any stamina and it is commonly considered by my doctors that all of the fatigue and weakness is secondary to the chemo-therapy. I have asked the doctor to take me off of the chemo-therapy right now. At least for a while. My doctor told me to evaluate my situation and decide which was most important... what the chemo was doing FOR me ---AND--- what the chemo was doing TO me. So, I'll be on Chemo for a while longer.

I am reminded more and more each day how important my family is to me. Granted, there was a time when my little grand baby girls would grate on me... but now... I love being around them. Of course my daughter and my son-in-law are my favorites. They are such wonderful people. But, my wife, Debbie is my best bud. She helps me the likes of which no one would ever know. I love her and appreciate her. She's got some hip/knee/back problems right now and she's in some significant pain. And, the death of her loving mom (back in December) has affected us both very much. If I could just make one little encouragement to my readers -- don't take family for granted. Keep them close. They are the ones who will be there for you when you need someone the most.

Continue to pray for us

Grace & Peace,

Bob

Changing Someone’s Day

2009-04-16T07:42:00.000-05:00

I’m sorry this is late, but I’ve had a bizarre week so far. I went in for blood work last week, and asked my doctor’s office to let me know how it turned out. So, on Friday he called me and told me that my blood work had proved, yet once again, that my numbers are still good. The blood thinner I am taking has my blood at a “perfect consistency”. I continue to thank God for taking care of me. Remember, next week I’ll be in DC. Pray for me. This will be the first time I’ve been on a plane since my surgery and I’ll be without my “primary care giver” (my wife Debbie). And I am a little uneasy about it. But, I’ll make it just fine… I’ll make it just fine…I’ll make it just fine… I’ll make it just fine. (Nope… I’m not quite convinced!)

This morning I had an opportunity to change the course of a person’s day, and I’m glad I took the opportunity.

I went to breakfast at one of my favorite local cafés. As I prepared to leave my server was telling her co-workers about “the man in the orange sweatshirt” who had stiffed her on a ticket. She repeatedly complained about the man and the fact that he took advantage of her by walking out without paying. Quite frankly, I was growing tired of her constant haranguing. But, I still felt bad for her. I wondered if she had to pay any ticket that she allowed to “walk” without paying.

As I approached her I handed her more money than my meal and tip would have amounted to. She started to get my change, but I stopped her. I said, “I can’t really do much about the fact that the guy walked out without paying, but I can make a difference about the tip he should have left you.” And with that I handed her the money in my hand.

A very surprised look crossed her face, and she said, “Oh, no… you can’t do that!” I assured her I could, and that I wanted to help make it up to her. I added, “I hope your day goes better!” As I exited the restaurant I heard her say to her co-worker, “Hey, now you won’t believe what this guy just did!”

It wasn’t much, but my actions validated her as a person. Rather than seeing herself as a victim of a “walking ticket” maybe she was able to see herself in a more positive light.

Five extra dollars wasn’t much, but it changed her day, and honestly, it changed my day too.

Now, YOU have a good day!

--Bob

Monday Update

2009-04-06T07:47:00.003-05:00

Friends...

I came in to check out the blogspot, and look at the comments others have left. Thanks to all who read and comment. Of the commenters of course I see my nephew Randy... apparently he checks it nearly every day... (Thanks, dude... I appreciate your prayers and your concern for me.) And, I see Kelley... a friend who is closer than a brother (or son). What could I possibly say to convey how much I appreciate all of your prayers and concern for me?

I read back over some of my blogs as of recent and it seems that I report both the good and the bad, but it has been a long time since I've mentioned the really hard things that wash over me. Today, for example, I've had a very hard day. I didn't get much sleep last night. (I spent the afternoon with the H&R Block people... and, as you might guess, it wasn't a social visit. So, I was awake until 3am looking for deductions. If I don't find them, Barak can thank Debbie and me for funding the bulk of his stimulus package.) But, all kidding aside, I didn't have a good day, and I allowed depression to sweep over me. I did not feel like going to assembly today; I just stayed home and rested. After I caught up on my sleep, I did feel better. One of my greatest frustrations is that I have to realize there are things I just can't do any more. Simply bending over to put on my socks and shoes has to be a series of calculated movements. The steel rods and titanium cage in my back don't have the "bend" that real bones do and I am trying to take care of them so I don't have to repeat the back surgery anytime soon. So, part of my recovery is finding new things I can do, or polishing up things I've not done very well. The cancer and the back surgery is for sure the "big deal" in my life that has gotten my attention.

I had a WONDERFUL day Saturday! (Well other than pesky tax thing.) I got out Saturday morning and watched Lily (granddaughter #1) play soccer! She made two goals. (Well, there might have been a 3rd one, but all the girls were "clumped up" in one spot and it was hard to see which tiny leg was hers, but I think it was the one with the pink soccer cleats...which are on Lily's feet!) Other than getting beyond the concept that 5 year olds playing soccer is very similar to "herding field mice", the game was really fun to watch. Even the 1/4 mile walk to the field wasn't bad!

I promised myself I would not "blog on and on" when I write these, so I'll hush. Please continue to pray for me.

Grace & Peace to all.

-Bob

Please Continue to Pray

2009-03-31T07:05:00.001-05:00

Friends & Family...

I went to the Doctor's office on Friday 3-27. There isn't much to report, actually... except that my blood thinner is working very well, and my PT/INR is "perfect". So... continue to pray that the thinner will continue to work and I will not have any more blood clots.

Now, here's a new prayer request. I am flying to Washington DC for our national blind agency conference on April 21 (which just happens to be my wife's birthday. And since I'd like to live long enough to see MY next birthday, I won't tell you which one this is for her.) This will be my first major trip since my surgery and diagnosis, so to say I'm a little nervous would be an understatement. I have contacted the hotel and asked them for some special accommodations (walk-in shower, extra pillows, close to the elevator, etc.) So, pray that I can make it without any major hitches. I've not exactly figured out how to keep from setting off the metal-detector at the Airport, but, hey... if they want to see my zipper... I'll take my shirt off.

Grace & Peace to all...

Bob

Blog groupies...

2009-03-17T11:00:00.002-05:00

Good morning. I hope this finds you well. Things seem to be going well for me right now. I tend to have a little dizziness from time to time, but all in all I’m OK. There is some really good news for me... I got to re-start my chemotherapy last week. That means that the Coumadin is working well enough that the fear of blood clots reforming in my legs is less, and that I can get the good medication in my system that will do the most healing in reference to the cancer.

Also, oddly enough, my blood sugars appear to be well under control. I consistently have days where my morning blood test reveals a blood sugar of below 90. Occasionally I’ll have a 100, but that is more the exception than the rule.

Another thing is that I have re-enlisted to teach Bible class at church. I wrote our education minister yesterday and told him that my health, not-with-standing, I would like to go back on the substitute teacher list. I can’t teach every week, and I can’t be his “last minute ace in the hole”, but I do want to teach when I can. I love teaching God’s word. And... having this dreaded disease shouldn’t eliminate me from one of my greatest joys of life. I don’t play golf, fish, or hunt. So, maybe I can teach at least every-so-often.

I still try to adjust myself to the cancer and I try to make myself believe that it isn’t “all that bad” when in actuality, it really stinks. There are lots of days I don’t feel good, and there are many days that my fatigue level has maxed out by 10AM. But, I am alive, I am on “the north side of the dirt”, and I can walk. God has been so good to me. He has blessed me with family and friends who stick close.

If you are praying for me, please continue to do so. Also pray for my family because on the really hard days, it is tough on them.

Grace & Peace,
Bob

PS... I also want to wish my wonderful, amazing daughter a happy birthday. She's the best kid ever, and continually brings her mother & I joy!!!!! (Yeah, yeah....okay this is really Karyn writing! It's part of the joys of being the blog editor! ha ha) ; )

Faithful Blog Readers...

2009-03-03T07:21:00.001-06:00

I thought I'd let you know that I got some good news at the Doctor's office this AM. You all know I've been off the chemo therapy for a couple months because it causes blood clots. I've been a little concerned about my para-protein level because this (as I understand) is where the cancer is tracked. Here is the way it has stacked up these last few months.

October 1.6 (which is high)
November 0.6 (much better)
December 0.2 (great - near normal)

And after being off of the chemo for almost all of January and all of February the protein level was 0.3...which is still GREAT!

ALSO... the coumadin (blood thinner) has my blood at almost perfect consistency, so I expect to start the chemo back up again in a week or so. I'll let you know more as it unfolds before me.

Please continue to pray for me... and Debbie. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I believe in specific prayers. I think God wants us to think through our prayer requests; I believe it is part of that personal relationship he wants with us. So, I ask that you specifically pray that the blood clots go completely away, and that my circulatory system is returned to normal so the blood will do its job as it carries the medicine through my body.

Grace & Peace to you all.
--Bob

Greetings Faithful Friends

2009-02-22T15:46:00.001-06:00

I glanced back over the last few months and I noticed that my recovery blog has not gone over 5500 hits. I wonder how many different people that 5500+ represents, but it has to be several. So, I start today's blog entry with a note of appreciation.

I lost track months ago as to how many cards we have received, 100s of e-mails, phone calls, food brought in, visits, and etc. I think sending e-mails every week or every few weeks is great, but there are even some people who mail me cards via the US Postal Service... that's the people who sell first class postage stamps for 42 cents!!! That, is above and beyond! So, to those of you who have reached out with the notes, the calls, the visits and all, I say thank you. And for those of you who drag my old rusty sin-stained name before God in prayer, well, thank you too. And please, if you are praying for me. Please do not stop! I attribute my success in recovery to the thousands of prayers that have been prayed on my behalf. So, thank you... thank you so, much.

Right now, I have no major health changes to report. I was taken off of the chemo-therapy in early January because it was causing blood clots in my legs. I really expect that I'll go back on the chemo in the next week or so. The blood clots caused the doctor to put me on Lasix to thin my blood and we're having a hard time finding the exact dose that will thin it without making me a bleeder candidate.

I am supposed to see the doctor this week, if I get any news, I'll let you know.

Again... thank you for your care. I never really understood how much I was loved until all of this happened.

Grace & Peace,

Bob

Just An Old Fashioned Update...

2009-02-08T18:10:00.001-06:00

Having only been to the doctor's office twice since my last blog I am left frightfully short of medical news to report. But if you know me at all, I can take "take two aspirin and call me in the morning," and turn it into either a medical text book or a three-volume novel. So, to take the reader's feelings into mind for this entry, I’ll be brief.

First, in my last blog I noted that the doctor was fiddling around with my medication to get my blood to the right consistency…(sounds like I’m talking about a sauce to pour over a cut of pork, huh?) And, having taken the medication at 7 days of staggering doses of 5mg to 7.5mg it was decided that just taking 5mg every day would be ok. We’ll see.

I am told that the blood clot(s) are out of the dangerous level. I take the Lasix to purge fluid from my system and hopefully get the swelling to go down (primarily in the left leg). I am also told that I may never get the swelling to go completely away. Again, we’ll see.

In many of my blog entries I try to toss out and idea or concept that might make a difference in your life as it has made a difference in my life. So, here is today’s thought. I wish it were original with me, but it isn’t. I got it from our preacher this morning.

He used the concept of “first responders” and drew from a story of one of the first responders in the world trade towers. Then he dialed over to idea of “spiritual (or prayerful) first responders” and talked about what they would do and how they would act. So, here are my words of encouragement. Are you a first responder? Are you one of the people who look for and reach out to others who are in need or who are hurting? I know some of you are because I know who some of my blog readers are, and I just know what kind of person you are. And many of you have reached out to my family and to others who are in hurt and in need.

Now I just want to say a word about my own sense of duty as a “first responder”. I’m not good at it. There are people that I reach out to because I know them and because I have a previous relationship with them. I know them from either church or work and it is easier to offer those words of encouragement and support. However, I’m not so willing to reach out to the stranger in need. I guess it could be that several attempts at trying to be helpful to others have proven disastrous. But having admitted my own weakness in this, I still try when I can. I try to be extra kind to people who I sense can use a kind word. Then there are times that just being kind is not enough.

First responders are rarely forgotten by those they help. I hope we all become memorable people.

Grace & Peace

Bob

God’s Unbelievable Blessings!

2009-01-29T05:54:00.001-06:00

I went to the Doctor 1-26-09 for a little quick blood work. Three-and-a-half hours later, I left his office and headed home. Wow…but it is OK. The blood work showed that the coumadin was thinning my blood too much, so he decided to have me not take it for a few days. On Wednesday we’ll re-check it then he will adjust it.

Before I left I asked about the CT scan they took last Thursday. He pulled up the information and told me the greatest news I could hope for… he said, “No new cancer” and then he babbled on for a little while about everything looking much better, tumors being smaller, and that the treatment was working very well. But, the “no new cancer” comment was the one that got my attention.

We talked about the tumor on the rib on the right side. He said that the CT scan showed that involved in the swelling was the possibility of a fracture in the rib. He’s not really sure, but his educated opinion was to hold off for a little while and see if it improved in the next few weeks.

Then, he recommended that I stay off the chemo-therapy for about a month. He said that the blood clot that was in my leg was (again in his opinion) most likely caused by the chemo. He said that two of the primary drugs in the chemo when administered individually did not cause blood clots. However, when combined there was a 1 in 5 chance that it would cause clots… (Just call me Mr. Lucky).

So, let’s back up just a tad. My blood is too thin now and he needs to have me stay off the thinner for a few days and readjust. The tumor on the right rib might be a fracture? No Chemo for a month because it was most likely the culprit of the blood clots? And my take on all of this is an enjoyment of God’s unbelievable blessings? Absolutely! Just think about it. No new cancer! I could be dealing with new cancer, no way to fix the blood clots, more surgery for the rib, and whole list of other things. But, God has blessed me again.

I have been feeling better these last few days, even though my back has still had some pain, I’m better.

The icy weather has me house-bound for a few days, but that is OK. I have some office work here that will keep me busy.

Blessed, I tell you… I am blessed!

Grace & Peace,

Bob

An Update

2009-01-20T20:50:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago I said that medical news for me comes in rather slow now. Well, that seems to have changed. Right now, things are changing, but not totally for the best. But, we're holding out for the good that will come of all of this.

About a week (10 days) ago I started having some swelling in my left leg and foot. I was a little concerned, but not worried. I called the doctor's office and they called in a script to get some water out of my system. After a few days of the lasix there was no change. I kept my appointment with my oncologist on Monday morning (01-19-09) and he decided that to be safe we'd better do a echocardiogram on my heart and ultrasound on my leg. Well, the heart test was fine, but the ultrasound detected a blood clot in the left leg.

With this diagnosis Dr. Keefer put me on Coumadin and Lovenox to help thin out the blood and dissolve the blood clot. Of course there is some frustration associated with all of this, and now, a little worry, but I know God is in control. Also, with this diagnosis he has also decided to have me hold off on the chemo treatments for right now. I asked him if there were other things we could do, but he seemed to think that we can try some things that will allow me to keep taking my chemo. There will be adjustments, but I'll make it. I know with God's help I will. Keep praying for me, please.

Before I close my blog entry for today, let me make one other request. Please keep in mind that I am not the only person dealing with health issues such as this. Actually, I'm really blessed in that I have lived 54 years before dealing with all of this. We have friends at church with a 17 year old daughter who is now dealing with a form of cancer. And a young man, 25 years old, with a precious family was just diagnosed with leukemia. And there are others... lots of others. So please, carve out some of your prayers for others who need to be cared for as well.

Thank you.

May God bless you.
Bob

A Little Honesty is Good for the Soul

2009-01-12T07:53:00.000-06:00

I've been playing some pity games with myself these last few weeks. I feel much weaker now than I did weeks ago. I seem to have more numbness in my feet and legs and I also feel like I've got some numbness in my face and forehead. I’ve lamented over the pain in my back and how much more I feel it now. All in all I’ve had a fairly poor attitude. Maybe that is why I’ve not been given to sitting down and writing a blog entry two times a week. My last good news from the doctor’s office was about my paraprotein 1 level dropping from a 1.6 to a 0.2 from October to December. That is an awesome number and I’m thrilled that God has blessed me. But the chronic numbness and pain really get to me.

Tonight at our Brother’s keepers meeting, our BK leader Jeff read from a daily thought published by my old friend Max Lucado. (I was in Abilene Christian University when Max was our church’s missionary in Sao Palo, Brazil. When he and Dena Lynn would come to the States for R&R, some of my buddies and I would take him to breakfast and pick his brain. He was in the mission field and that is where we all wanted to be, he was awesome and we…well, we weren’t.) Anyway, we all know how Max’s writing has made him more famous than Louie Lamore, Zane Gray, John Grisham combined…and he now publishes a “daily thought”. Go figure.

So Jeff read this passage that was about how we tend to humanize God. We wonder how he can be everywhere all the time; maybe God is not in a single body like we are. We don’t know how God can hear all of our prayers at the same time; maybe his ears are different than ours. We can’t understand how he can be Father, Son and Holy Spirit; maybe heaven has a different makeup than we have here. We want to live before we die; he wants us to die to live. And the list went on and on….

As I sat there and listened, I was convicted in my “pity-ness”. I have a great prognosis for my cancer. For years I have suffered pain in my back, who knows… maybe it was to get me ready for the pain I have now. I tend to weep over issues that I can’t control; I’ve prayed the serenity prayer hundreds of times in these last 3 years; maybe that should help me not weep over those things that I should be finding serenity over. My chronic depression gets the best of me; maybe that is the big thing I have held on to that I need to give to God.

Before I end my blog today, I must share with you something I just received. One of the ladies from our Bible class just sent me a Hallmark e-card. It was very pretty and had a beautiful soft piano music back ground, but the message was awesome. It said, “sometimes it takes a lot of rain to produce a rainbow; don’t give up, yours is coming.” I had never thought of that but it is very true. Maybe what I’m going through right now is a lot of rain, and my rainbow is just not quite here yet.

I am blessed. My wife (and my family) supports and loves me and sticks with me in the good days and the bad days. Pray that I continue to hang on to the good in all of this.

Grace & Peace
-Bob

It's a new year, and the journey continues....

2009-01-05T09:52:00.003-06:00

Dear Friends and Family,

First, let me apologize for not posting more recently. With the Holidays and lots of busy going on, I just seemed to not get around to it. I hope to do better in 09.

What is Really Important?
I think I have mentioned this before, but I think it bears repeating. In the face of difficulties the tide of what is important and what is not important can shift pretty quickly. Over the years I have spent many hours pondering automobile purchases, home remodels, clothing choices, job choices, and this list goes without end. Now, the tide has changed. There are some of the things that I worried about a great deal barely rocks the needle. But the things I didn’t give much thought to before consume my thinking. I’m much more concerned about family, health, spiritual issues, and the world my grand babies will inherit. This list too can go without end.

So, the big question for me was “why?” Well, it certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. I was faced with a form of cancer that took me totally by surprise. Just living became my big challenge. I had major back surgery to remove some tumors and to stabilize what the pre and post operative reports called “near paraplegia”. Taking these two giant issues into respect, I didn’t have time to worry about the small stuff. I became more devoted to the important issues in life, and the little things that dominated my thinking and sometimes worry, dissipated.

Recent Medical News:
It seems that medical news for me comes very slowly any more. I am just rolling along, doing what the medical doctors tell me, and I try to not make life miserable for anyone.

I have started trying to learn to track my blood work. The main reason for this e-mail is to report a significant decrease in the problem area (paraprotein) where my cancer comes from. A lab report back in October showed my “Gamma Paraprotein 1” as a 1.6. When I had blood drawn on 11-19-08 it had dropped to 0.6 and the lab work from 12-23-08 reports (Drum roll.......) 0.2 !!! I am told that this proves that the treatment regimen is working. And, there may not be a need for the Stem Cell if these good numbers continue. Nothing is "off the table", but we pray I won't have to go through the stem cell treatment if it isn't necessary.

As I learn more about the blood work and what it all means, I think it will help me. Part of the frustration for me is just "not knowing".

Please, continue to thank God for caring for me. Thank you for praying for me and being concerned about me.

Robert ...(a.k.a. Bob)

My dear Blog Followers…

2008-12-22T07:47:00.001-06:00

Do I have some information for you?!?!?

Last Friday (12-19) Debbie and I got up early and drove to Tulsa to meet with Dr. Lynch. He is a stem cell oncologist. I didn’t want to go, but I wanted to go too. Anyway, long story short, I am SO VERY happy we went to see him. He was the single most informative doctor I’ve dealt with in this entire process. I told him I didn’t know much about the multiple Myeloma and really didn’t understand all the ins and outs of the condition. He then started back at square-one and put us through Multiple Myeloma 101. Granted… I couldn’t pass a final over it, but I know more than I did.

First of all, the stem cells would be harvested from my own body. If I had an identical twin we could use his, but survival and rejection rates go to about 10% not making it. If the stem cells came from my daughter, for example, the success rate drops to 40%. Not good odds. So, all in all… I will be my own donor.

My T-Cells are the culprit. I have a single T-cell reading that was high when I was in the hospital. It was 1.6. After 2 rounds of chemo (Revlimid by pill), steroids, and radiation the last blood work was 0.6!! That means, without a doubt, that my body is responding to the treatments. Now, about the stem cells.

If… (notice the word “if”) I chose to do the stem cell transplant, and if it is medically needed, then we will pick a convenient time to have my life interrupted for 4 months. I will go over for a long day of all kinds of tests. They have to determine if I’m healthy enough for the transplant. There will be blood tests, liver tests, heart, lung, etc. Once they decide that I’m at near super-hero strength, then they will have me come back 2 weeks later (as I recall) for the harvesting of the cells. This will be the simplest of the procedures. I may have to be hospitalized for a few days, but once the harvest is complete, then they will send me home for about 2 months. Then the fun starts. I will go back to St. Francis and I will go inpatient for about 21 to 28 days. At the start of this hospital stay they will do a super dose of radiation and a super dose of chemo. When those two super doses are finished… I will have no immune system. They will basically kill off all my bone marrow. Then they will inject the harvested stem cells back into my system and let the next 3 to 4 weeks grow me a new immune system. I understand from other conversations with MM patients that they will give me my “childhood” shots all over again.

The reason they will keep me inpatient for those 21 to 28 days is because I will have no white blood cells (of any value) to fight disease and infection, and the platelets will be ‘gone’ so if I cut myself, I could bleed to death.

The reason I was so excited to go see Dr. Lynch is because I knew there were 4 treatment modalities; chemo, steroids, radiation and … stem cell. Well, I didn’t understand where the stem cell transplant fit into the grand scheme of things. He told me that if my body continued to respond to the Revlimid (chemo) my numbers could stay in the healthy range and I may never need the stem cells. But if I started having adverse reactions to the Revlimid then I may have to have the stem cell transplant as a stop gap in the treatment regimen.

So, all in all… I’m glad I went. I’m glad to find out that my T-cells are responding to the treatment.

Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don’t feel wiped out all the time. I told Debbie yesterday that I felt like I had worked outside in the blazing summer heat all day. That zapped feeling is how I feel all the time. So… pray that I can get beyond this wiped out feeling. Prayer request #2 is to pray for Debbie. She has had a very stressful 4 months. With my health issues, surgery, treatments, and with her mom’s health issues and ultimate death, and other stressors, she can certainly use your prayers.

We are so thankful to serve a God that we know loves us even when we are unlovable.

Grace & Peace to you all.

Bob

Strength and Trust: The Dynamic Duo

2008-12-17T10:28:00.001-06:00

I wish I could try to make everyone believe that my trust in God and my personal strength are unwavering. I wish I could use perfect words every day to make my readers believe that I have “arrived” and that I have it all together. People tell me how “inspiring” my blog is; quite frankly, most of the time it doesn’t feel very inspiring.

Today, I’m going to look at two words that have impacted me today. And, my comments may not be 100% infallible, but it is the way I see it. Maybe someone has more insight and I can be shown a more perfect way.

Today I’ve named the blog “Strength and Trust: The Dynamic Duo”. I guess we all remember “Batman and the Boy Wonder” and how they were billed as “The Dynamic Duo”. When Batman and Robin would fall victim to the perils of The Joker, the Riddler, or Catwoman the Caped Crusader would find some miraculous action that would free them of the bonds of evil. There were times when Robin would be the catalyst to lead them to safety. I think the key to their success is the term, “dynamic duo”. Duo... the word means “two”. Scripture says two can ward of the attack that would overpower one alone. Duo... two fighting one battle. Duo...two harmonizing the tune. Duo...not a solo.

Confession will be good for my soul here. I’ve had a hard week. Fear has seized its grip on me, and I’ve given in to worry and depression. But today, I am making a conscious effort to fight back. I am going to employ the energy of my dynamic duo... “strength and trust”.

Now, this is where my concept may veer from the traditional view of these words. But, this is my take on it. I think strength and trust are the exact same energy. But where they radiate from is what is different. Strength is my own arsenal that helps me fight the battles that hurt so bad. Strength wells up in me and I focus its energy to help me win each battle that besets me. Trust, on the other hand, addresses one’s trust in God. Again, I believe both words are the same energy, but they radiate from a different place and are focused on different characters. Strength is focused on me... trust is focused on God.

And here is the wonderful part –when I can’t muster the energy to be strong, I can turn my focus toward God and trust him. When I let my trust in God fall by the wayside, I can attempt to assemble my own strength. It takes both strength (focused on my own energy) and trust (focused on God’s energy) to find success in the battles of the every day world.

Some of you may notice that I often wear suspenders and a belt. The tumor on my right lower rib creates an unusual waist line, and if my trousers fall below the tumor’s bulge, there isn’t much to hold up my pants. I was told recently there is a term in the finance world called “belt and suspenders”. It employs a “duo” of supports so that if one fails, the other will act as a backup. My intent is to use both supports... strength and trust... so that if one fails, I’ll have the stabilizing backup of the other.

I will be in Tulsa on Friday, 12-19-08 for a consult with the Stem-cell specialist. I have no idea what this will hold. I covet your prayers.

Grace & Peace,
Bob

Life Goes On...

2008-12-11T10:33:00.001-06:00

Last Thursday my mother-in-law, Anna Smith, passed from this life to her reward. She was a wonderful, caring woman and she will be greatly missed. She was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer just a week or so before my diagnosis came. I called her "Mother-in-law" and she called me, "Son-in-law". She always supported me and my family's dreams and plans. I will look forward to seeing her again on the other side.

Any time big changes occur... the passing of a loved one or the diagnosis of cancer, for example, there are always adjustments that have to be made. An old fellow I knew once told me it took him 6 months to quit pulling down two coffee cups every morning after his wife died.

One of the things that I have to adjust to is physical weakness. I'm just not as strong as I once was. Ok... lets be honest here. I even have the kid at the grocery store pop the lid on the pickles before he bags them for me. I think I'll get stronger as the treatments progress, but right now, I'm a sap.

I will have the stem cell consult on December 19 in Tulsa. I am excited to talk to them and find out what all of that entails.

It has been a while since I've asked for prayers, but today, I think I need them. So, if you will... say a prayer for me to keep my strength and attitude up, to stay grounded in my faith, and to accept life as it comes.

Thanks for your encouragement.

Grace & Peace,

Bob

Debbie's Mother

2008-12-06T20:47:00.003-06:00

My mothers mom, Anna Smith, passed away on Thursday evening. Mom & Dad have been in McAlester since then, and DJ and I are heading there Sunday for the funeral on Monday.

When my mom called me to let me know she said, "She won the victory!" And she did win!!! She devoted her life to Christ and now she can rest and be with Him in heaven. Although it is hard to not have her here with us, we have peace knowing where she is.

Please keep my parents and my granddad, Leo, in your prayers.

God gives grace,
kj

Family

2008-12-01T08:04:00.001-06:00

Medically, I don't have a great deal of updating. I finished my first round of chemo and started the new one on 11-26-08. I have finished my 3rd round of steroids and I took my last radiation on 11-25-08. I will go to Tulsa on 12-5-08 to be evaluated for the stem cell treatment. More about that in next Monday's blog entry.

In my last blog entry "I am Thankful" (11-26-08) I talked about my family and how important they have been to me in my recovery. And, this has caused me to seriously consider how important family is for the one who is in the throws of healing... whether it is healing from hurts of the body or hurts of the heart.

Last week Debbie spent a great deal of time in McAlester. Of course her mother has been hospitalized for many days, she has pancreatic cancer, and is not long for this world. I sat in my mother-in-law's hospital room and watched my wife loving care for her mother. Although it has not been medically proven, but there seems to be some belief that the cancer has moved into her stomach. She can't keep anything down, and her she constantly complains of pain in her tummy. Debbie stands by her mothers bed and gently rubs her mom's stomach to try to help soothe her pain. She has dabbed cold water in the wash cloth and kept it on her mom's forehead, and she adjusts the warm pad they keep on her aching stomach. Gentle, loving, and caring. The image of God's servant doing what good servants do.

If I was standing over the hospital bed of a loved one would I be as compassionate? Would I suffer my own pain to the benefit of my loved one? I was the pupil in my wife's "classroom of life" last week and I watched her and I learned from her actions. My wife... the teacher. She teaches 2nd graders during the day, and if I pay attention, she teaches me how people are supposed to behave when she is with me.

Then, the thought crossed my mind... what do people do who don't have family? In my recovery of body my wife has had to do things for me that are indescribable. She has done them without complaining, and she has been as gentle and caring as possible. And, without her help I really don't know what I would have done. For example... last night while peeling a potato I cut the tip-end of my left thumb off. Man... it hurt. Triple antibiotic ointment and Band-Aids were my first line of defense. Then, to double my misery, this morning, while toasting an English Muffin, I burned the index finger on my right hand. And when I say burned it, I mean I brought a large water blister about an inch long on the left side of that finger. Remove the use of the left thumb and the right index finger and see if you can button a shirt, tie a shoe, zip the pants, much less tie a tie. If I didn't have my wife, I would have been less than dressed adequately for church this morning!

Family is important. Don't take them for Granted... love them... do whatever it takes to keep your family front and center in your life. You never know when you're going need help buttoning your shirt.

Grace & Peace,
Bob

I am Thankful!

2008-11-26T08:26:00.003-06:00

Especially in the last four months I have found so many reasons to be thankful to God on so many new levels. I thank God for answering prayers that I needed to pray even before I prayed them. I’m thankful for the little things like a painless I.V. puncture and the giant things such as making a $250,000 hospital and doctor bill evaporate in front of my eyes. While I’m thinking about that I.V. puncture, I’m also thankful that after I accidentally pulled my I.V. out, I am thankful that I was able to endure 8 tries to get a good vein to put the I.V. back in! I am just thankful that I serve a God that is so big that he can be in every aspect of my life –the big things and the small things. I hope that my words today will cause you to stop and think about all the veritable ways you can offer thanks to God too. (I apologize now for the length of this entry… but sometimes a guy has to say what a guy has to say!)

I am Thankful…
…to be alive; to able to walk; that the damage to my spinal cord was minimal; that God blessed my medical services providers –Dr. Ben White and his staff –with the hands, hearts, minds, strength and stamina to perform near miracles as they operated on me for 8 hours. And that Kevin my nurse that cared for me the night before this horrifying surgery stayed with me and talked me through my fear and anxiety. I’m thankful for the post operative care I received, for the gentleness of the nursing staff; and that my body has healed so well from such a massively invasive surgery. And, I’m also thankful for the wonderful care of Dr. Michael Keefer and his staff in the Cancer Care office(s) at Mercy and at Hefner Point. All of these people started out as doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and now, many of them feel like friends.

I am Thankful…
…for my wife who worked day and night to help take care of me. She’s fed me, bathed me, dressed me, prayed with and for me, and she has done it all tirelessly while worrying about her own mother who is fighting her final moments with cancer and while teaching school every day possible. And, for my daughter who stays in daily contact with me, comes to see me, rubs my shoulders; and encouraged me to be a part of the ministry message of this blog site. She has reached out to me and loved me and cared for me and encouraged me on the down days and laughed and enjoyed the good days with me. She brings the little girls over to visit “Poppy” and they bring me cards they have made. And, for my son-in-law who stayed with me the night before the surgery. He has definitely seen the worst of me, and he’s still helping me! He came and installed a “handicapped” commode for me before I got home from the hospital. If there is fetching and toting – he’s my man. But the best thing about him is that he loves my daughter and his two little girls. I used to think that Damon was the “son I never had” then it dawned on me one day recently in a prayer, that he is the son God gave me.

I am Thankful..
......for my Mom & Dad for praying for me every day. They call to check on me very often. They always have their best words of encouragement for me to “bundle up, keep warm, don’t fall down, and take good care of myself.” What would I do without my parents??? What would any of us do without our parents??? And, my thankfulness extends specifically for my DAD who at almost 92 years of age prayed for me over the phone before I went down for surgery. [ I think it was the first time he had ever done anything like that!!!]
And, for my brothers and their wonderful wives. They call to check on me, jot me e-mails, keep me buckled down in the “little brother” role, and never miss a chance to take that all important swipe at my ego. Man… my brothers are great guys. They treat me like I’m still the same old me. Refreshing.

I am Thankful…
…for my job; for good insurance; for the blessing that I refer to as my boss! for a support staff and colleagues that still catch work I can’t get done; for other staff members who come by for their daily hug or that shared word of encouragement.

I am also very Thankful for…
…Mike who taught me how to live and how to die; for his wife Lori who is the image of what God had in mind for how a Christian woman is to live and act.
…Jeff and Bobbie who lead our class so successfully and who check on us all the time.
…for Harry and Cindi who have literally stood by us during this entire ride! God could not give us better best friends.
…for Scott, Josh, Mark, and our other ministers, and ministers from other churches, and our elders, and elders from other churches who came to see me in the hospital, and who still check on me,
…for Micah, who at the last minute agreed to try to find something to say over me if the surgery didn’t go well J. I told him I wasn’t speaking from a lack of faith, but I was speaking from a mind of realistic possibilities. He agreed (with a tear in his eye) and said he’d share the task with James (the next guy down.)
…for James who drove down from Lawrence, KS and helped me get settled when I came home from the Hospital, for running errands, for installing a new door knob to help improve security around home central. For checking on me, calling me, emailing me and reaching out to me.
...for Dan who a few years go suffered a very crushing injury. He has taught me not to ask the "why" questions. He taught me to ask the "why not me" questions.
...for Mark & Randy who check my blog almost every day and anways send me notes of encouragement.
...for my two brothers who stepped up to lead my discussion group on Wednesday night. They both agreed to “help” and ended up with the whole thing. Awesome men... serving an awesome God!
...for Lisa & Katie who stayed at my family's side the entire night of my surgery. Thanks for supporting my girls.
...for the 30+ people who came in to check on on my family while I was in the grueling surgery.
...my friend, brother, and doctor Jeff who came to the hospital and sat with me the night of my diagnosis. He came to comfort me and dispell my fears. Jeff will never know what that meant to me.
…for Wilma and Sam who brought my Mom and Dad to see me while I was in the hospital! Thanks so, so much.
…for Scott L. who drove from Springdale, AR to spend the afternoon with me one Sunday, and took me to help me wash our car, and who prayed for me through a few tears.
…for Kelley and Jade for their loving concern, and e-mails, and willingness to let us crash at their house when we travel down to Ada.
…for Michael who came and watched the season opener OU game with me (…and No.. I’m not an OU fan, but he was a friend who came and it made it all okay!)
…for David and his daily hug and word of encouragement.
…for the tons of folks who send me e-mails, cards, and letters. And MANY of them are dealing with their OWN life worries and health problems.
… for the ones who leave comments on the blog site, for the ones who call to check on me day after day, and who pray for me.
…that many, MANY people from all my past work, school, and church families have reconnected with us!

And… last, but certainly not least…I am Thankful to God…
…that he loves me,
…that he cares for me,
…that in spite of my callous attitudes of the past, he has lavished his good grace and blessings on me!
…for healing me
…for being there for me when I need him
…for waiting patiently when I forget to need him
…and for letting me live long enough to find my way back to him

And… this is only the tip of the iceberg. I could keep going, but even with the fear of leaving out someone I must stop. God has blessed me with friends, family, good medicine, and a loving spiritual family that helps lift the burdens. What more could a guy ask for?

Give thanks to God the Father,

Grace & Peace…and Happy Thanksgiving!

Bob

Poppy & Addy

2008-11-25T05:56:00.003-06:00

I just loved this picture! My daddy and my Addy....can't get much better than that!!!
~kj

Good Stuff....

2008-11-24T07:56:00.001-06:00

Greetings To All!

Before I start the Monday BLOG about my recovery, let me invite you to log back in later this week because we’ll be posting a special edition. My daughter Karyn pointed out to me a few days ago that this year (as if more than other years) there is MUCH to be thankful for. I took her remarks to heart and I will post my “I’m Thankful For…” blog on Wednesday, 11-26-08.

Now… to the really good stuff! On Friday morning I went to the oncology doctor (Michael Keefer who, like me, is 54 and born in 54). He said my blood work looked good and he was ecstatic about my condition. I asked him about the radiation and he said it looked great and that it was forcing numbers back to where they should be. He said my immune system was only slightly compromised and he was sure that I would be fine. He told me to take all the precautions about colds, flu, and hand sanitation, etc. I finished my first round of Chemotherapy last Tuesday. The next prescription arrives via UPS on this Tuesday AM, but I will have blood work on Tuesday afternoon before I start it on Wednesday AM. As much as I can tell, I have had NO ill side affects from the chemo. The radiation, not such good luck – it makes me very tired, I have a little square “sunburn” on my chest/stomach, and I glow all night and it keeps Debbie awake. OK, that last one was just a joke. But the tired part… that is a “FOR sure”.

I am now 3 weeks without using a walker!!! I’m learning to be surer on my feet. I have to remember that in addition to not being 17 any more, I have lost a lot of feeling in my feet and legs. When I get up from a chair, if I don’t stand and get my balance, it makes for a very tricky take-off. If I balance and get my bearings, I can navigate just fine. I have to be careful to correct missteps early, and not make any jerky movements. I am fairly certain these issues will certainly keep me out of the running to be on Dancing with the Stars! …However, if being old, clumsy, and slow didn’t keep Cloris Leachman out of the line-up then maybe I still have a shot!

Make sure God is with you every step of your way this week. Depend on Him. Trust Him. Turn your heart and mind to Him! I’ll see you Wednesday.

Grace & Peace to all.

Bob

PRAYING THROUGH THE HURT

2008-11-17T07:52:00.000-06:00

(Note: Our Church had a prayer expo this last weekend and I was asked to write a prayer about praying through the hurt. Below is the prayer I submitted. I hope it ministers to you.)

Holy Father,

You are the maker of all good things, the Supreme Being, the God of the Universe. It is humbling that as a human being, with all my frailties, I am permitted to address you face to face. I am blessed to know you and I am blessed to be in your presence. Thank you for the gracious gifts you shower upon me.

Father, you know more about me than I than I know about myself, and it is because of this intimate knowledge that I have the freedom to come before you with my prayers and desires. You know that I have suffered many hurts in my life. Some of my hurts are the results of decisions I have made that have hurt myself or others. Some of my hurts are accidental, some are intentional. Some I’ve caused on myself and some are hurts levied on me by others. And there are other hurts that are not the result of actions by any human, but just by the nature of life. Regardless where the hurts come from they cause pain; pain I am left to reconcile and resolve within the confines of your grace and holiness. I ask your forgiveness for the pain I have caused others and I ask for strength as I seek forgiveness from those I have injured.

Father I know when I experience a hurt you come near to help me carry the burden. As my loving God and Father, you want to help lift the load. Give me the peace of mind to let you help me carry the burdens that weigh me down. There are times, however, when you want me to live with my hurts and pain for a little while. It is these times that you want me to know the pain so I can appreciate the blessing of freedom when the pain is lifted.

Sometimes, God, I let my human curiosity take command of my heart and I try to understand the “why” behind the pain. But in the Proverbs you told us that we are to trust in you and that we cannot rely on our own understanding. You have also told us that you will not give us more than we can bear, and you have told us by in placing our confidence in you that we can rise victorious over the pain. Give me the hope that comes in living in your presence.

Teach me how to find joy in my hurts. Help me learn how to give you glory when my spirit is crushed under pain. Take away the fear that paralyzes me, remind me that you are with me and that you will comfort and protect me.

It is through Jesus’ Holy Name,
A-men

Trust in the Lord

2008-11-13T12:35:00.001-06:00

A dear sister in Christ reminded me of the Proverbs 3:5 verse that says, in essence… “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.” I don’t know why all of this happened to me, but I also don’t know why it shouldn’t happen to me. About three years ago I made a conscious effort to work on my relationship with my wife and with my God. Little did I know that when I got the relationship with God in a better condition, that all of my other relationships would line up behind them. Now, let me quickly add, that all I can say is that things are better, not perfect. Ok… a lot better. But I still struggle with keeping a bridle in my mouth.

Some of you share with me that you have issues and problems in your life or in the lives of your family. Some have said, “Why?” Again, I toss it back…“Why not?” God has given you the tools that those who live without God’s grace do not have. God promised you that he would not leave you, that he would not give you more than you could handle, and that he would give you his Holy Spirit to be a counselor to help you through the hard times. God told us to rejoice in the hard times because it is an opportunity to give HIM glory.

Look forward to the hard times, not with joy and excitement because things are falling apart around you, but because it is at those times you get closer to God. And if you are not getting closer to God… then you’re walking the wrong way.

Grace & Peace to all

– Bob

THE EVIDENCE IS CHANGING…

2008-11-10T08:05:00.000-06:00

Saturday morning, I went “sale-ing” for a couple hours. Now for those of you who may not know all of my down-falls in life, being a chronic Garage-sale-a-holic is one of them. Besides a bunch of stuff I really didn’t need I found a nice clock for my office, and a handful of Christian CD’s. One is of the “Kings of Joy” an all black male group and friends…they rock!

After I rested a few hours, Debbie and went to a late lunch and then went to the movie “Fireproof”. This movie is awesome! It stars Kirk Cameron and it is a tremendous movie. It carries a very strong message… a message every man and woman in America need to hear. It addresses the single most destructive force in any marriage –selfishness.

Even though I didn’t sleep many hours Saturday night, Sunday morning I woke feeling great. We went to church, Bible class, and then to lunch with our kids. I took Debbie home and went to the grocery store for about an hour to buy food for our church pantry drive. Then we went to evening church and to our Brother’s Keepers group meeting.

All day Saturday I leaned on my walker. But Sunday… all day… I did not use the walker at all! I decided that if I don’t force the issue with my feet and legs, I may never get the feeling back. So, I am living the miracle that I believe God will work in my life. Like the caption at the top of this blog page… “Hope is believing in spite of the evidence, then watching the evidence change.” The evidence is changing. I’m getting stronger.

Grace & Peace to All –
Bob

Thursday Thoughts

2008-11-06T12:34:00.000-06:00

I continue to get stronger as the days go. I’m in my 3rd week of radiation, my 4th week of steroids, and my 2nd week of chemotherapy. The only side affect is that I become more robust and handsome every day.

Now, hopefully I’ve made you laugh, and now I want to make you stop and think. (Sorry, this is just what I do.)

I always believed that people who had long illnesses would be the most prepared to “meet their maker.” I assumed that as the body became weaker, the more the mind could (would) focus on the spirit of Jesus. So, conversely, I thought those who died because of accident or injury were the ones who had to go before God with what they had; no less and no more.

The cancer that stalks me is a mouse compared to the lion of cancer that others have. But I just assumed that any diagnosis of the dreaded disease would cause me to take my soul even more serious than I do. I was sure that I would really focus on being the man God wanted me to be. However, what I have found is that I am just as tempted to sin today as I was before I knew there was cancer in my body. I believed that with the diagnosis I would become closer to God than before, that I would not be inclined to sin as I had in the past, and that I would leave this life “squeaky clean” having been given the chance to clean up prior to my exit cue. My relationship with God is certainly stronger now than before, but I made the conscious effort to repair that relationship a few years ago.

So, now my belief is this; as long as a man lives the temptation of sin is ever present. There does not seem to be a reprieve to the temptation. Satan, the chump, never lets up. He just keeps on and keeps on... trying to dig away at me. I suppose if my diagnosis was terminal with only a few days, weeks, or months left, that he would not ease up on me even then. Satan has no compassion.

My prayer for myself and for everyone else is that we recognize the lies Satan throws at us. I pray that we not fool ourselves into thinking that “we’ll have plenty of time” to give our lives to Jesus. None of us know when it will be our time to go to heaven's home, and some of us depend on a false sense of security (eg., excellent health or youth) to believe that we've got more time on earth than we may have. The only hour you know is yours for absolute certain, is the one you just finished. Turn to God. Trust him. The clock is ticking.

Grace & Peace,

Bob

Out & About

2008-11-01T12:20:00.002-05:00

Mom & Dad got out this morning and came to Lily's soccer game. It was GREAT having him there. Lily got her first goal and ran over and said "That one was for you Poppy!" Pretty cute!!

He started his chemo pill, and is pretty tired from the radiation, but we are all just praying that his body is accepting the treatments. Thanks for your continued prayers!

God is good, ALL the time!

Greetings to all from Bob!

2008-10-28T07:25:00.001-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I saw a Dr. Young. She's part of the team of doctors with Dr. Clark and Dr. Keefer. Things are happening now.

1. They did another CT scan on me yesterday and measured me for additional radiation treatments that will include the 8th rib right posterior and the pelvic. They will start the new radiation treatments on Wednesday.
2. The Chemo therapy company called me on Friday and they are shipping my Revlimid (chemo oral medication) to the house Tuesday by special courier. That medication is supposed to arrive by 8:30 AM today. I will then call the oncologists office to get dosing procedures. Nothing has ever made me sick, but I am told that if any medication will make one sick, it will be this one.
3. I took my 3rd steroid pack on Saturday AM. I've mentioned that the steroids tend to make me jittery and I get mouthy with Debbie. But she understands and although she doesn't let me get away with murder, she is very sweet about it all. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Debbie and how much I appreciate her willingness to stand by me in these really trying times.

The Doctor seems to think I'm right on schedule. She says everything looks good and she's proud of my recovery to date.

Before I stop today, I need to add two personal notes. The first is of concern for any and everyone who reads this blog site. If you engage in self destructive behaviors, please consider a lifestyle change. I have been obese most all of my life, and although I am told that nothing I did or could not have done could have caused or side-stepped this cancer, I really sort of believe maybe I could have done some things to lessen the possibility. However, that is neither here, nor there. But, my concern right here, right now today is for those of you who may do things that have certainly been linked to cancer in one form or another, please, please consider alternatives.

And I also want to say "see you later" to Mike, my friend from church who won his battle over cancer last Saturday morning when he went home to live with God. In Mike, I saw God's gentle grace and peace. I would sure like to think that he had his moments that he would melt-down like I do. But he had a heart for God and a quiet, gentle spirit that was kind and caring. I'll miss Mike. Mike had Mesothelioma which is a "lion" in comparison to the Multiple Myeloma"mouse" I have, but I was looking forward to comparing notes with him, at least for a while. I had stayed away because I get so emotional, and I didn't want to upset him. Now, he's gone... but he is still there for me. So, "I'll see you later, Mike. Thanks for the stuff you did teach me. Ask God to give some doctor some place the brains and guts to find a cure for this stuff."

Grace & Peace to All...

Bob Utley

Treatments Going Well

2008-10-23T08:15:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday I started my radiation treatments. They are painless, except for the position they put me in. I lay on my back on a hard table (that is not quite wide enough) and I put both hands above my head and grasp two little "bicycle handles bars" and hang on. The big machine circles my body and makes little wheezing noises. Then the machine drops below my body and they treat me from below, too... I guess. I don't know what they are doing with me. They could be blowing "fufu dust" on me for all I know.

Next Monday afternoon they will re-measure me which means that they will do a new CT scan on me. I've had pain in my spine, 8th rib (lower right), pelvic, and shoulder. They want to pin-point these areas so they can begin treating them with radiation as well. I do know that Dr. Clark (radiology oncologist) did NOT intend to zap the pelvic, rib, etc. and he planned to let the other treatments address them. But then, I started having pain so he will nuke them for a faster recovery.

If you'll recall, a week or so ago I picked a few random words that were on my heart. Today, I'm going to do the same thing. Today, my word is Blessing.

It would be impossible to account for all the outpouring of concern and love we have received during these last several weeks. People bring food, still send cards, and call on the phone to see what we need. Folks in my office have offered to help me by taking some of my duties to help alleviate any stress I have. I can't begin to say how "blessed" it is to be the recipient of so many blessings.

God continues to look after me. He continues to make things happened for me and I am very grateful. The Chemotherapy medication has been approved, the radiation is going well, I'm not having any major reaction to the steroids (other than they play games with my depression) and the insurance company has already approved me for the stem cell transplants.

Continue to pray for my body to respond to treatments.

Grace & Peace to all

Bob "Robert" Utley

Workin' 9 to 5...

2008-10-20T19:31:00.002-05:00

Dad went back to work today! (It was more like 9:30 - 2:30 NOT 9 - 5!) He did good and was glad to be back.

He has his first radiation treatment is tomorrow, and he will go M-F, each day for 3 weeks. The chemo pill is still in the works (insurance approval is a hassle.)

Please pray that tomorrow goes well. Pray that the chemo approval goes through. Pray for my mom's health and strength. Pray for dad, and let him see how his strength and faith are encouraging SO many others.

God is good all the time!

Update from Bob on Wednesday...

2008-10-16T07:51:00.000-05:00

Greetings to Friends and Family;

Today has been a good day! I’ve felt pretty good, although I didn’t sleep very well last night. I’ve been in the doctor’s offices every day this week and tomorrow will be a one day reprieve and I’ll be back at the hospital on Friday for another test.

On Monday 10-13 I saw Dr. Doug Clark. He is the radiology oncologist. He had them prep me for my first radiation treatments. I’ll have my first treatment on Tuesday afternoon (10-21-08) at 3:45 PM. Then, I’ll have one every day for about a month. I think I’ll just consume my food raw, and then let the radiation cook it and me at the same time. J

Yesterday, Tuesday 10-14 I had my follow up appointment with my neuro-surgeon, Dr. Ben White. He was very excited to see me getting around as well as I was. He really did believe that I would most likely be paralyzed from the tumor pressing against my spinal cord and from the surgical procedure. Even though I walk with a walker, he is delighted that I can get around as well as I can. I really don’t believe I understood how concerned he was. Debbie tells me that she and Karyn understood the gravity of my situation, but I didn’t.

Today, I just went and got a flu shot. Rumor has it that I will be a two flu-shot per year person from now on. The Chemotherapy and radiation will compromise my immune system, and being a diabetic, I will have to stay on top of the flu vaccines.

Tomorrow, Thursday 10-16, Debbie and I will drive down to McAlester to see our parents. Debbie is off for fall break and I asked my doctor if I could accompany her and he agreed that I could go. I’m excited to get to go.

Friday, 10-17 I’ll have a PET scan. I understand it is a more exact scan and will help them know exactly where I will get my radiation treatments and chemo treatments.

I want to thank you again for praying for us. God is taking good care of me and Debbie… but we certainly need your encouragement and prayers.

Grace & Peace to all!

Bob Utley

Schedule

2008-10-13T15:58:00.003-05:00

Today dad went and met with the radiologist, Dr. Clark (we will have a test at some point, so I hope you're remembering all these names!)

This is the current schedule:

Chemo pill, one pill a day for 21 days and then off for 7. (Those might start this week or next.)
The first radiation treatment will start next Tuesday at 3:45 PM. He has been "tattooed" to mark the affected areas, and the radiation will target those areas.
He's already on steroids to "shrink" the tumors as well.
He meets with the surgeon Dr. White tomorrow for a check up.
He also will have the PET scan (I think Friday) to make sure there are not other spots.

I know dad has asked that everyone pray for his body to accept the treatment, I also want to add that he will not have ill side effects from the medications/radiation. You hear of some people being nauseous, sick and tired, and then others have no complications! I am asking for NO (or few) complications!!

Thank you for your prayers!

God is SO good!

One Month Later

2008-10-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends and Family,

Today is Saturday, October 11, 2008. The surgery to remove the affected vertebra in my back happened 1 month ago today. And today I took my first round of steroid medications to combat the cancer in my body. The chemotherapy medication is on order and should be here this week and I will start it as soon as it arrives. I am happy that we are doing things to fight the disease, instead of just waiting for things to happen.

I’ve been able to get out and around some. I drove myself to the doctor’s office on Thursday and to get a hair cut on Friday. Also, last night I drove to church to attend our Celebrate Recovery program. Driving is a little daunting because it has been over a month since I have driven at all. But, I did just fine. I’m very cautious and I stay on “all point lookout” the entire time I’m behind the wheel. And, for those who might wonder, no… I don’t use the cell phone while driving.

I mentioned being at Celebrate Recovery last night. This is the program that has helped me with my chronic depression. Since it has been a month since I was able to go, I just had to attend. It was wonderful getting to see friends and recovery siblings. My random word for today is a word that was used last night. The word is “Grace”.

I cannot even write for the tears streaming my face. God’s grace has been lavished on us beyond description. We’ve seen his miracles over and over, and we have enjoyed his grace like never before. There is no way I can list them all, but here are just a few of God’s gifts of grace that we have received.

1. Dr. White (the neurosurgeon) typically does not see patients on Friday, but the week I needed to see him (back in early September), he had some open time on that Friday, and I just happened to be the one who got to see him. GRACE!
2. I learned yesterday that my chemotherapy medication is covered by my insurance. A 4-month supply of my chemo medication would equal the cost of a brand new Buick. My co-pay is $45 for each of those 4 months. GRACE!
3. I have had some pain associated with the surgery, but nothing like the pain I endured before the surgery. GRACE!
4. Debbie’s mother has been able to maintain her strength… and actually improve some. We believe God knows I need Debbie here with me. GRACE!
5. Although I have had some sad moments, and there are times my depression chews on me, I’ve been able to keep a fairly good energy and spirit. GRACE!
6. My cancer is treatable and the prognosis is very good at this point. GRACE!

I continue to count the gifts of God’s grace because I need to know – I need to see, feel, and hear how God is helping me and how he is reaching out to me every day.

Grace – It is free to all, no one deserves it, but everyone receives it. Even in the very darkest of storms, God’s grace is there. I am encouraging you… and you encourage me to remember that all we have to do is reach out and take it.
–Bob Utley

Thursday Update

2008-10-09T20:49:00.001-05:00

Greetings To All:

I'm just going to make this brief. I want to let you know that things are starting to happen. Continue to pray for me in that my body will react to the medication positively, but also, pray for the doctors who are (and will) treat me.

First, I will see Dr. Doug Clark on Monday, 10-13. He is a radiation oncologist. He is the one Dr. Keefer has asked to evaluate me for the radiation on my spine and other tumors. Then, on Tuesday, I'll have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Ben White, my neurosurgeon. I think he'll be pleasantly surprised that I have healed as much as I have, and that I really don't have a great deal of pain. I have spoken to Dr. Keefer on the phone a few times this week and he is still trying to get my insurance company to approve the PET scan that he has requested. He wants me to start the chemo and steroid therapy as soon as possible. But he wants a PET scan before we start.

I plan to ask the surgeon to release me to work partial days for a few weeks and then hopefully go back to work full time on 1-11. I know I'll miss work periodically due to treatments, and etc. But, I just have to go back to work. Part of my desire to go back to work is to get me out of this house! I'm getting more claustrophobic as time goes by. I have to get back around people. It helps pull the focus off of me and I can focus on tasks at hand.

I apologize for the use of the "Random Words" but that seems to be the way my mind operates. Today's Random Word is: ADJUSTMENT

I am having to make lots of adjustments in my life. I've not driven a car in over a month so my independence has been compromised and I have had to adjust to that. I have been a right-side sleeper all my life. Now, with the steel rods in my spine, I am having to adjust to sleeping on my back. I am having to adjust to forcing myself to eat substantial food. I'd do fine with bran flakes, ham and cheese on whole wheat, and Campbell's low sodium soup, but I also know I need real food to help my body heal. Also, I am adjusting to the fact that I don't have the energy I did when I was younger... (ok. I don't even have the energy I did 6 months ago.) I'm having to adjust to the fact that I fatigue really quick.

So, I'm adjusting. I have a pretty good attitude, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have moments when I get sad or upset. When I get the "blues" I try to remind myself to recall the first four lines of a famous prayer... "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It helps me get through the tough times.

Continue to pray for me and for Debbie. With looking out after me, teaching full time, and concern for her own mother who is in the hospital in McAlester, Debbie's dance card is pretty full.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.

Bob

Another Note from Bob....

2008-10-07T15:30:00.002-05:00

I think I am just going to turn the blogging over to him, he's much better at it than me. ; )

Dear Family and Friends;

Some random words have been floating in my head today. So, I will just write what is on my heart.

HOPE: My oncologist called me today to discuss some treatment options. They are getting the induction set up and he thinks we can get treatment started by next week. He also said that my stem cell transplants will have to be in Tulsa at St. Francis (apparently that is where my HMO requires them done.) So, in a few months, I’ll have to be in Tulsa for 3 or 4 weeks. Of course all of this can change “in the twinkling of an eye”, as the Good Book says.

LIMITATION: I was in surgery for 8 hours and took 9 units of blood, so I ended up a little anemic. I tire pretty fast, but I know I’m getting stronger all the time. I try not to sleep for long periods during the day because if I do I don’t sleep well at night. Today I have been trying to do work-type activities in hopes that I can begin the process of getting back to work sooner than later. However, I know my limitations and I can’t afford to get too tired or in too much pain.

KINDNESS: I have run completely out of sick leave and will deplete all my vacation time pretty fast. I have many co-workers who have offered to give me leave, which will certainly help. Folks from our Bible class at church and the staff at Debbie’s school have been generous to bring food and have offered to provide even more. It is humbling to recognize the fact that people care as much as they do and are willing to help.

I am going to stop here. We still request your thoughts and prayers. And, we still believe in specific prayers. So here is the short list of prayer requests:
1. That our insurance company will work with us in treatment.
2. That when the treatments start that my body will respond to the treatment.
3. That Debbie can keep up with the demands of looking after me, teaching, and going to McAlester when she can to go see her mother who is in the hospital there.
(And if you know me at all you will know this is the craziest prayer request to date!)
4. That I can regain an appetite to substantial foods that can help my body heal. I just don’t feel like eating much, and without the proper nutrients I can’t get my strength back.

Grace & Peace to all… More when I can muster the energy.

-Bob

From Bob...

2008-10-04T13:06:00.001-05:00

Dad sent this email out a few days ago, and he says things a lot better than I do! I thought I should share....

10/2/08

Brothers and Sisters -

This afternoon Debbie and I went to talk to Dr. Keefer, the oncologist. As many of our class members can attest hearing the word "cancer" in any context is a shock. But still, Dr. Keefer says the plasmacytoma is "highly treatable", and the bone marrow scan only shows 15% of the damaging cells from the 100% possible. The only tumors (lesions) they could see was one on the 8th rib, upper spine, and one right in the top of my head. The one on my head is positioned perfectly that if I were a Christmas tree ornament, it would be exactly where the little wire doo-dad goes. :-)

So, where do we go from here? Dr. Keefer has ordered a new round of blood work and a PET scan. Once he gets all of this new evidence with the old evidence, he'll have a clearer picture of what to do.

Now the choices - I asked about MD Anderson. I explained I didn't want to shoot a gnat with a howitzer but I wanted to get the best treatment possible. I asked him what he would do. He said the leading multiple myeloma docs in the US were in Little Rock, and he could refer me. I asked if we could start the treatment here and watch it for 30-60-90 days and if the treatment did not look like it was progressing successfully, then go to Little Rock. He said that would certainly be fine.

I plan to start the treatment here as soon as Dr. Keefer is ready. All of my support systems (family, spiritual, and medical) are already in place. To go to Little Rock for even a few weeks will impede my progress. I believe I’m doing what God wants me to do. Since all of this began, I have spoken my absolute trust in God, and we have prayed for the doctors to do all they can do for us. God has blessed us with 100% care so far, and I don’t see anything that makes me think he will not bless us as we continue in this path.

Love you--- Robert "Bob" Utley

Oncologist Update

2008-10-03T08:23:00.002-05:00

Dad met with the oncologist yesterday. They found one more small spot on his skull. The plan is he will do a PET scan in the next week. Once that is done he will start chemo/radiation/and steroids. After a few months he can head to Little Rock (if he wants to, and if he isn't getting the results he is wanting.) Little Rock apparently is the multi-myloma (spelling??) capital of the world and they have many specialist, etc in that area.

We are praying that all the treatments remove the cancer completely!

Who's good? GOD is good!

Tuesday Update

2008-09-30T17:02:00.004-05:00

The blogger is always the last to know! I didn't have the story right for today!

This is what is really going on....

Tuesday (today) was the body survey. This is x-rays of his entire body searching for more cancerous spots. (Our prayer is that no more spots were found.)

Wednesday they will go back for the bone marrow test. (That the painful one.)

Thursday they go meet with Dr. Keefer (the oncologist) to find out the results.

So there you have it. And if that's not right, I blame Bob (on pain meds) and Debbie (she's sleep deprived!)

Prayers on Tuesday

2008-09-29T21:36:00.001-05:00

Please keep dad in your prayers on Tuesday. He goes in for the bone marrow test Tuesday afternoon. Years ago he had a bone marrow test done in his sternum, and it was extremely painful. This one will be in his hip, even though it will hurt, hopefully it will be somewhat better than the past experience. Thank you for your prayers, I will let you know what we find out.

God is good!

Picture Day

2008-09-27T22:29:00.003-05:00

Today was a good day!! Dad has felt a lot better and he's getting stronger each day. He is using the walker still, but able to stand up more quickly and walks some without it. (Basically he's using the walker for stability, keeping it there if he needs it.)

I stayed with him a while this afternoon and he walked outside and sat on the patio and then some how, he convinced me to clean the patio...hey wait a minute, that wasn't in my nursing description!

Robin Waugh made dad the neatest card holder, and it's really getting full! Thanks to all of you for the cards, they mean so much to him (and mom.)

God is good, ALL the time!

Glad to be home!

2008-09-27T00:48:00.002-05:00

Dad is glad to be home and moves from chair, to bed, to recliner, and back to the chair, until he finds a comfortable place.

Occupational & Physical Therapy will come in three times over the next week. On Thursday he meets with Dr. Keefer and will do the bone marrow test and body scan. I will do my best to keep you all updated as we get more info.

Thanks for praying....God is good!

Two Weeks

2008-09-25T22:32:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago tonight my dad was on an operating table having tumors removed off his spine. Two weeks ago tonight, friends and family waited with us at the hospital for 8 hours while he was in surgery. Two weeks ago tonight, we didn't know if he'd wake up from that surgery able to walk.

Tonight....two weeks later, he walked out of that hospital! God truly is amazing, absolutely amazing!

Headed Home

2008-09-25T10:06:00.002-05:00

Mom is going to pick up dad and take him home! YEAH! In home rehab will be coming to the house for the next few weeks, until he gets stronger. I am sure dad wouldn't mind visits while he is at home, but please call first.

Dr. Keefer will being doing tests on dad in the coming weeks to decide the best cancer treatment. Again, please pray that they find the best treatment and his body responds to it. Thank you for your prayers.

God is good, ALL the time!

Home on the Range!

2008-09-24T18:13:00.002-05:00

Well there's about a 99.9% chance that dad will get released from the hospital tomorrow!!! He's a star pupil (his words, not mine!)

NOW, him leaving the hospital doesn't mean he's 100% better! He is still walking with a walker, he is still very sore, he is still got a long road ahead, BUT they said he could do outpatient (or in home) rehab. We are assuming the cancer treatments will start soon as well, but we haven't heard yet.

He's done really great, and working hard. We ask that you pray for his spirit and his will to succeed and get through the next few months. It's going to be hard and Satan will throw more challenges his way, BUT we ask that God protect him and continue to heal him.

God is amazing!

Email Account

2008-09-23T20:33:00.002-05:00

Several of you have tried to post comments but can't. Dad asked me to set up an email account...ask and ye shall receive!

afaithfuljourney@gmail.com

(Okay someone better email him now!!) ; )

Tired on Tuesday

2008-09-23T20:29:00.005-05:00

Dad went to physical therapy for 3 hours today!!! WOW!

Staples are out, and he's working hard. He is obviously still having a lot of pain but that is to be expected. He's doing so great...and I'm so proud of him!

Keep up the prayers...God is GREAT!

Moving Monday

2008-09-22T19:25:00.003-05:00

He's moved to rehab and they are going to be keeping him busy during the days. Visits are allowed after 4 PM, he's in room 244. The visits keep him going, so they are much appreciated!

His mom and dad came up to see him today (courtesy of their niece Wilma and her husband Sam, driving them from McAlester for the day!) He enjoyed visiting with them, and I think it made them feel better to see their son.

Friends are great, family is great, and God is SO great!

Sunday Night Delight

2008-09-21T19:49:00.002-05:00

Dad is enjoying a strawberry milk shake in his luxurious hospital room suite, before heading off to rehab boot camp tomorrow!

He's had so many visitors today and really appreciates everyone coming out! He continues to ask that everyone pray that the doctors find the best treatment and his body responds to it.

Our quote of the week is "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."

He will try again tomorrow...God is good!

Saturday Night FEVER!

2008-09-20T18:38:00.005-05:00

Don't worry there's NO fever, I just needed a catchy title! But, mom left me alone with dad again, and you know what that means...more pictures! OH BOY! Don't worry, you don't have to be scared to scroll down, I didn't take any gruesome shots this time!

I did take him on a tour of the 3rd floor, in the wheelchair. He got to look outside and see clouds! It's been a while since he's seen outside! I also got out the computer and made him watch Tina Fey play Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live....funny stuff!! (I know making a man laugh who has 57 staples down his back, isn't a good idea either! MAN, I'm a bad nurse!)

Thanks to all of you for the prayers & visits! They are really helping his spirits. If you do want to come out to the hospital next week, please call first. When he moves to rehab (boot camp, as I call it) visitors will only be allowed at certain times.

God's love is amazing!

Friday Update

2008-09-19T11:35:00.002-05:00

Dr. White came in the morning and is very pleased with dad's progress. He wants to do a standing x-ray to see how the spine "looks together". Also he said they are looking at moving him to the rehab unit to start full physical therapy early next week. (That is going to be good for him, but hard work too!!)

The tube has also been removed from his stomach and he can start trying to eat again. Once he's feeling better they will do the bone marrow test.

Thanks for your constant prayers.

God is good.

Three Things Thursday...

2008-09-18T11:12:00.002-05:00

Three things good about Thursday.....

1. His stomach feels much better, and will hopefully get the drain tube out tomorrow.

2. He's moving to a bigger room, a suite, actually! So that will be great for the rest of us!

3. He continues to try to use the walker to walk when he can!

God is GREAT!

One Week Later

2008-09-17T08:04:00.003-05:00

Well one week ago today, my mom called me with good news...dad was getting in for his MRI to find out what was causing his horrible back pain. About three hours later we found the answer and our joy turned to shock, and then to fear.

God has given us many answers this week...

We were fearful that the tumor on the spine couldn't be removed. It could be!
We prayed it wasn't cancer. It was cancer, BUT plasmacytoma's are highly treatable.
We thought there was a mass in his lung as well. There wasn't!
We feared he would lose the use of his legs. He hasn't!

We know God answers prayers! He may not always answer like we would want, but we feel blessed that He has watched over us and heard our prayers!

We couldn't have made it this week without you all. Thank you so much for taking care of us.

God is always good! ALWAYS!

Tuesday Update

2008-09-16T19:19:00.002-05:00

Today hasn't been great. He had to have a hose placed in his nose to run down to his stomach to remove stomach acid due to all the reflux problems he's been having. (He's had hiccups for 2 days now!) They said issues like this are pretty common after a big surgery like this. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, for him and mom! (She hasn't left his side since 5 am. This woman deserves a medal or something!!)

Dr. White (the surgeon) changed the dressing on his back today and said it is healing really nicely and he's pleased with everything. When the physical therapist came, dad walked (with the walker) to the nurses station, so we were very happy about that! That is by far the most he walked so far. He still has some numbness in his legs and feet, but they are hoping he regains more feeling with time. Please pray for that!

Thanks for all the encouraging words, cards, emails & calls!

God's love surrounds us!

Pathology Report

2008-09-15T20:13:00.004-05:00

Dr. Keefer came by today, he's the oncologist. He said that the pathology report came back and it is a plasmacytoma. They will do a bone scan and get a bone marrow sample in a few days. Those tests will be used to decide which treatment (chemo/radiation) is best. Again, this form of cancer is highly treatable, according to the doctors so that is encouraging.

Dr. White is also pleased with dads recovery and will probably start sending him to rehabilitation in a few days.

He really appreciates the prayers, and loves reading the comments on the site. Thank you!
God is good!

Adios ICU!

2008-09-15T09:48:00.002-05:00

He's moving a regular room today! Yeah, now he has to start moving more on his own and gets less pain medicine, so he'll be real chipper to work with. HA HA

God is good all the time!

Sunday in ICU

2008-09-14T15:25:00.002-05:00

He's spending his Sunday in ICU, and his friend Dan brought him communion, so that was nice.

He hopefully will get to move to a regular room tomorrow. They sent in a larger guy and gal to do his PT today. We got the 95 pound little lady kicked off his rotation! They were able to get him to the chair and he sat in it for about 2 hours, so that's encouraging.

He's really starting to joke with and harass his nurses, so we know he's feeling better!

Thanks for the constant prayers...God is good!!!

Say Cheese

2008-09-13T23:15:00.006-05:00

I stayed with dad this evening and I MADE my mom go home and rest. I tend to get a little camera happy, so I took some pictures. (I'm sure mom won't let me stay alone with him again!!)

The first picture is of the incision, and the $1 is being held next to it so you can see just how long it is. It's big! There are 57 staples, I counted!! (And I know it's gross but that is a drain hose still connected....hey, I didn't say the pictures were pretty!!!)

I have named this next one "Rugged & Drugged", it's fitting I think!!

I'll let you know if we get to leave ICU tomorrow. Thanks for the continued prayers and support!

God's love is amazing!

"Standing on the Promises"

2008-09-13T16:04:00.003-05:00

He stood up and took 5 small steps! God is Good!

We are going to request another physical therapist for tomorrow though. The one today was about 65 years old and weighed 95 pounds....he said he didn't have much confidence with her and didn't think she'd be able to catch him if he started to fall. That's understandable!

He's started eating jello, lemon drops, and Diet Mountain Dew....breakfast of champions!

Our hope is that he gets to move to a regular room tomorrow.

We know your prayers are being heard...keep it up! : )

Oncologist Visit

2008-09-12T21:25:00.003-05:00

The Oncologist came by to meet dad today. He won't start treatment for a few weeks, but he is starting the research and blood work now to find answers and solutions.

He did give us some other information, the tumor on the rib bone (that we originally thought was is in the lung) is actually the largest tumor of all. BUT, because the tumor in the spine was damaging nerve and bone it was the most dangerous. He also said that they have dad on steroids now (I guess to fight infection, I really don't know why he's on steroids) but whatever the reason, he said this type of cancer responds well to steroids and can actually help shrink the tumors now! GREAT! Also the words I loved hearing him say were "this cancer is HIGHLY TREATABLE!" Praise God for that!

I just talked to mom and she said he was a little nauseated earlier, but other than that he is doing good. Keep praying for mom too, she's a strong woman but she's had a rough month and has a rough few months a head of her.

I'll check in tomorrow.

God is good.

Friday Afternoon Update

2008-09-12T15:48:00.003-05:00

He had ice chips for breakfast, beef broth for lunch, and a morphine drip for his afternoon snack! He's very sore!

They are going to attempt to get him out of bed tomorrow. Please pray for him to have strength. We're just so thankful he is going to have the ability to stand on his feet and legs! Praise God for that. I've been rubbing those old yucky feet today and never thought I'd enjoy it so much!! If he can feel it, that's all that matters.

I'll let you know if anything changes.

Friday Morning Update

2008-09-12T10:02:00.003-05:00

We do have to have our cell phones off in ICU, and I didn't think about that. If anyone comes by they will notify us from the ICU waiting room.

The ventilator is out!!!! His vitals are amazing. He still can only whisper which is nice, I am sure he'll be yelling at mom and I soon. ha ha

Over the past few weeks we have physically had to LIFT his legs out of bed for him. He couldn't feel them to move them. Today I can hold my hand chest high and he can kick my hand. GOD IS SO GOOD AND HE IS THE WONDERFUL HEALER!

I know that dad has a LONG road ahead. I know he's not "out of the woods" as they say...but we feel with God's love and your constant prayers he will get through and he will be stronger because of it.

God's healing power is good!

Encouraging Words

2008-09-12T06:57:00.002-05:00

I'm leaving my house soon to go see dad. Later tonight when we have some time I am going to read him some of the comments left on this site. If you want to leave him an encouraging comment please do! (If you don't have an account, you can comment anonymously and then sign your name in the comment.)

I know him hearing the names of those of you reading would really encourage him. He doesn't really realize how many people are praying for him (and some of you don't even know us personally, but we appreciate you praying for us!) Thank you!

Ohhhh, and I just hung up with my mom, we knew ICU would call her with any changes, well they called! He wanted his glasses (that were in her purse) so he could watch TV!! HA HA

God is good!

ICU

2008-09-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

Friday Morning - 12:51 AM

My mom, my husband, and I, got to go back and see dad in ICU about 15 minutes ago. He's swollen (of course) and had a ton of equipment hooked up to him, but he looked good! (Well....he would have hated to know his hair was spiked high and looked terrible, you know how Bob likes his hair looking good...but we didn't tell him. ha ha)

They are keeping on him a ventilator through the night because his body had been through so much, the doctor wanted him to rest easily. It should come off in the morning.

Even through all this ol' Bob can make us laugh. Mom was talking to him about everything the doctor had told us and I said "You can move your legs dad!!" and he wiggled his toes...a lot and gave me a thumbs up! Then I said "Mom wants to stay here tonight, but they are going to give you a lot of meds to sleep. I think she should go home and sleep good, and they will call her when you wake up. Do you think she should go or stay?" He gave thumbs DOWN! Then she said "no, no, you need to vote again" and again his response was thumbs down!! We were cracking up.

He will be in ICU Friday and possibly Saturday. There is a ICU waiting room, BUT please call us before you come out so we can come down and see you. We are asking that only family see him at this time, until he gets moved to a regular room.

Our specific prayer tonight is first of thanksgiving! Also we ask that Bob regains full mobility and walks again. We ask that the cancer not spread, and that it is fully treatable.

Thank you again. Your love and support are overwhelming.

God is SO good!

Surgery Update

2008-09-11T23:01:00.000-05:00

This is what the doctor told us:

A huge portion of the large tumor was removed. He removed the vertebra (T11 &T12), and replaced them with the metal cage and filled it with bone cement. (The other smaller tumors will be treated with chemo or radiation.)

He is moving his legs, and Dr. White is confident he will walk! It is plasmacytoma, BUT it is treatable with radiation or chemo. It will be 3 weeks before treatment can start. He did lose a lot of blood, and they gave him 9 units. The surgery lasted 8 hours and was difficult, BUT he did great and we know that it's due to your constant prayers. IT will be a LONG road...he's got to walk and we have to kill that cancer but we KNOW GOD CAN DO THAT!!!!!

God is Good ALL the time!

A little longer...

2008-09-11T21:00:00.001-05:00

Okay it's taking longer than we thought, but that's okay....things are going good. The tumor is out! They are working on the reconstruction, but Dr. White is so thorough, and we know that God is watching over each move.

Thank you so much for all the prayers, visits and food! You all are wonderful.

We love you, and I'll post tonight when we hear something.

Still in....

2008-09-11T18:20:00.000-05:00

He's still in surgery. The nurse called and things are good, his vitals are good. They were putting in the "instruments" which we assume means the metal cage to replace the bones in the spine.

I'll let you know soon...

Here we go....

2008-09-11T14:35:00.000-05:00

Dr. White consulted with the radiologist and they feel the more extensive surgery IS the best option. The reason being is that the bone is already damaged and if they begin radiation it will be harder to do the surgery after that. Also they fear that the radiation won't shrink the tumor fast enough so he could possibly lose the feeling/use of his legs. Dr. White and his colleagues are confident that the extensive surgery is the better option. SO...when he said that I looked at dad and said "We asked God to show the doctor's exactly what needed to be done." Also (for those of you attend church at MRCC) Dr. White also performed the surgery on Dan Waugh's neck....and if you know Dan you know the POWER of his story! God is watching over Dr. White, we know that!

God is Good. He IS in control.

The surgery could last up to 6 hours. Keep praying.

God is Good

2008-09-11T09:41:00.000-05:00

Dr. White (the neurosurgeon) just came in. He said the spot on his lung is actually a spot on the rib bone. That is better! This is the plan today: Dr. White is talking with a radiologist/oncologist he will decide if the mass in the spine is treatable with radiation and not the invasive surgery to remove the tumor that is pressing against the spinal nerve.

Today's specific prayers are:
That the doctors see that the mass is treatable with radiation, easily and that there is no question in their minds that is the best option!
That God watches over Dr. White & Dr. Nasser as they are preforming a surgery or biopsy whichever is needed.

They will take him down at 12Noon and the procedure will start at 2:00 today, and they will decide at that time what they will do.

Keep praying!

Specific Prayers Requested!

2008-09-10T23:01:00.000-05:00

As most of you know my dad, Bob Utley, has been battling severe back pain for about 6 weeks now. He had started having numbness in his legs and had fallen a few times, and had been using a walker in recent weeks to help hold his balance. Dr. Jeff Floyd has been wonderful, and worked with him diligently to get answers to the problem. Today we got some answers, and now we need your prayers!

After a brain scan, an MRI, and a CAT scan, tumors were found on dad's spine. There was also a mass, and small spot found in one of his lungs. The neurosurgeon has not been able to consult with the radiologist, BUT he feels that those are the only spots at this time. It is imperative that the tumors be removed off his spine because they are damaging the nerves, which can result in paralysis. If the radiologist agrees with the neurosurgeon, they will proceed with surgery Thursday 9/11 at 2:00. The surgery is extensive, and they will have to replace part of the spine with some metal plates in order to remove the tumors.

If all goes well and they do find that there are cancerous cells they will proceed with Chemo or radiation in the coming weeks. Again, IF it's cancer! That is where you all come in, our family is asking for the following prayers:

Pray specifically that all spots & tumors found are localized and they can be reached easily and in full.
Pray that future treatments will remove anything remotely pertaining to cancer.
Pray that Bob will not lose any feeling or movement in his legs or body.
Pray for strength for my mother, Debbie.
Pray for strength for my dad. Let him be a light to all that he encounters.

My mom and dad are the strongest people I know. They encourage others, they love others, they are His, and it shows! About one hour after dad got "the news" he was talking to Kevin, the nurse watching over him tonight at Mercy. He said "Kevin, where do you and your wife go to church?" Kevin's reply was "We don't go right now." Without missing a beat he said "Memorial Road is where you need to be, they've got an incredible children's ministry and the connection of people your age is amazing. You need to be there!" After the day he has had, and getting what I consider shocking news, he is looking at how he can bring others to Christ. What an inspiration!

God is good. He loves. He protects. He hears. He heals.