Do I have some information for you?!?!?
Last Friday (12-19) Debbie and I got up early and drove to Tulsa to meet with Dr. Lynch. He is a stem cell oncologist. I didn’t want to go, but I wanted to go too. Anyway, long story short, I am SO VERY happy we went to see him. He was the single most informative doctor I’ve dealt with in this entire process. I told him I didn’t know much about the multiple Myeloma and really didn’t understand all the ins and outs of the condition. He then started back at square-one and put us through Multiple Myeloma 101. Granted… I couldn’t pass a final over it, but I know more than I did.
First of all, the stem cells would be harvested from my own body. If I had an identical twin we could use his, but survival and rejection rates go to about 10% not making it. If the stem cells came from my daughter, for example, the success rate drops to 40%. Not good odds. So, all in all… I will be my own donor.
My T-Cells are the culprit. I have a single T-cell reading that was high when I was in the hospital. It was 1.6. After 2 rounds of chemo (Revlimid by pill), steroids, and radiation the last blood work was 0.6!! That means, without a doubt, that my body is responding to the treatments. Now, about the stem cells.
If… (notice the word “if”) I chose to do the stem cell transplant, and if it is medically needed, then we will pick a convenient time to have my life interrupted for 4 months. I will go over for a long day of all kinds of tests. They have to determine if I’m healthy enough for the transplant. There will be blood tests, liver tests, heart, lung, etc. Once they decide that I’m at near super-hero strength, then they will have me come back 2 weeks later (as I recall) for the harvesting of the cells. This will be the simplest of the procedures. I may have to be hospitalized for a few days, but once the harvest is complete, then they will send me home for about 2 months. Then the fun starts. I will go back to St. Francis and I will go inpatient for about 21 to 28 days. At the start of this hospital stay they will do a super dose of radiation and a super dose of chemo. When those two super doses are finished… I will have no immune system. They will basically kill off all my bone marrow. Then they will inject the harvested stem cells back into my system and let the next 3 to 4 weeks grow me a new immune system. I understand from other conversations with MM patients that they will give me my “childhood” shots all over again.
The reason they will keep me inpatient for those 21 to 28 days is because I will have no white blood cells (of any value) to fight disease and infection, and the platelets will be ‘gone’ so if I cut myself, I could bleed to death.
The reason I was so excited to go see Dr. Lynch is because I knew there were 4 treatment modalities; chemo, steroids, radiation and … stem cell. Well, I didn’t understand where the stem cell transplant fit into the grand scheme of things. He told me that if my body continued to respond to the Revlimid (chemo) my numbers could stay in the healthy range and I may never need the stem cells. But if I started having adverse reactions to the Revlimid then I may have to have the stem cell transplant as a stop gap in the treatment regimen.
So, all in all… I’m glad I went. I’m glad to find out that my T-cells are responding to the treatment.
Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don’t feel wiped out all the time. I told Debbie yesterday that I felt like I had worked outside in the blazing summer heat all day. That zapped feeling is how I feel all the time. So… pray that I can get beyond this wiped out feeling. Prayer request #2 is to pray for Debbie. She has had a very stressful 4 months. With my health issues, surgery, treatments, and with her mom’s health issues and ultimate death, and other stressors, she can certainly use your prayers.
We are so thankful to serve a God that we know loves us even when we are unlovable.
Grace & Peace to you all.
Bob
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Strength and Trust: The Dynamic Duo
I wish I could try to make everyone believe that my trust in God and my personal strength are unwavering. I wish I could use perfect words every day to make my readers believe that I have “arrived” and that I have it all together. People tell me how “inspiring” my blog is; quite frankly, most of the time it doesn’t feel very inspiring.
Today, I’m going to look at two words that have impacted me today. And, my comments may not be 100% infallible, but it is the way I see it. Maybe someone has more insight and I can be shown a more perfect way.
Today I’ve named the blog “Strength and Trust: The Dynamic Duo”. I guess we all remember “Batman and the Boy Wonder” and how they were billed as “The Dynamic Duo”. When Batman and Robin would fall victim to the perils of The Joker, the Riddler, or Catwoman the Caped Crusader would find some miraculous action that would free them of the bonds of evil. There were times when Robin would be the catalyst to lead them to safety. I think the key to their success is the term, “dynamic duo”. Duo... the word means “two”. Scripture says two can ward of the attack that would overpower one alone. Duo... two fighting one battle. Duo...two harmonizing the tune. Duo...not a solo.
Confession will be good for my soul here. I’ve had a hard week. Fear has seized its grip on me, and I’ve given in to worry and depression. But today, I am making a conscious effort to fight back. I am going to employ the energy of my dynamic duo... “strength and trust”.
Now, this is where my concept may veer from the traditional view of these words. But, this is my take on it. I think strength and trust are the exact same energy. But where they radiate from is what is different. Strength is my own arsenal that helps me fight the battles that hurt so bad. Strength wells up in me and I focus its energy to help me win each battle that besets me. Trust, on the other hand, addresses one’s trust in God. Again, I believe both words are the same energy, but they radiate from a different place and are focused on different characters. Strength is focused on me... trust is focused on God.
And here is the wonderful part –when I can’t muster the energy to be strong, I can turn my focus toward God and trust him. When I let my trust in God fall by the wayside, I can attempt to assemble my own strength. It takes both strength (focused on my own energy) and trust (focused on God’s energy) to find success in the battles of the every day world.
Some of you may notice that I often wear suspenders and a belt. The tumor on my right lower rib creates an unusual waist line, and if my trousers fall below the tumor’s bulge, there isn’t much to hold up my pants. I was told recently there is a term in the finance world called “belt and suspenders”. It employs a “duo” of supports so that if one fails, the other will act as a backup. My intent is to use both supports... strength and trust... so that if one fails, I’ll have the stabilizing backup of the other.
I will be in Tulsa on Friday, 12-19-08 for a consult with the Stem-cell specialist. I have no idea what this will hold. I covet your prayers.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Today, I’m going to look at two words that have impacted me today. And, my comments may not be 100% infallible, but it is the way I see it. Maybe someone has more insight and I can be shown a more perfect way.
Today I’ve named the blog “Strength and Trust: The Dynamic Duo”. I guess we all remember “Batman and the Boy Wonder” and how they were billed as “The Dynamic Duo”. When Batman and Robin would fall victim to the perils of The Joker, the Riddler, or Catwoman the Caped Crusader would find some miraculous action that would free them of the bonds of evil. There were times when Robin would be the catalyst to lead them to safety. I think the key to their success is the term, “dynamic duo”. Duo... the word means “two”. Scripture says two can ward of the attack that would overpower one alone. Duo... two fighting one battle. Duo...two harmonizing the tune. Duo...not a solo.
Confession will be good for my soul here. I’ve had a hard week. Fear has seized its grip on me, and I’ve given in to worry and depression. But today, I am making a conscious effort to fight back. I am going to employ the energy of my dynamic duo... “strength and trust”.
Now, this is where my concept may veer from the traditional view of these words. But, this is my take on it. I think strength and trust are the exact same energy. But where they radiate from is what is different. Strength is my own arsenal that helps me fight the battles that hurt so bad. Strength wells up in me and I focus its energy to help me win each battle that besets me. Trust, on the other hand, addresses one’s trust in God. Again, I believe both words are the same energy, but they radiate from a different place and are focused on different characters. Strength is focused on me... trust is focused on God.
And here is the wonderful part –when I can’t muster the energy to be strong, I can turn my focus toward God and trust him. When I let my trust in God fall by the wayside, I can attempt to assemble my own strength. It takes both strength (focused on my own energy) and trust (focused on God’s energy) to find success in the battles of the every day world.
Some of you may notice that I often wear suspenders and a belt. The tumor on my right lower rib creates an unusual waist line, and if my trousers fall below the tumor’s bulge, there isn’t much to hold up my pants. I was told recently there is a term in the finance world called “belt and suspenders”. It employs a “duo” of supports so that if one fails, the other will act as a backup. My intent is to use both supports... strength and trust... so that if one fails, I’ll have the stabilizing backup of the other.
I will be in Tulsa on Friday, 12-19-08 for a consult with the Stem-cell specialist. I have no idea what this will hold. I covet your prayers.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Life Goes On...
Last Thursday my mother-in-law, Anna Smith, passed from this life to her reward. She was a wonderful, caring woman and she will be greatly missed. She was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer just a week or so before my diagnosis came. I called her "Mother-in-law" and she called me, "Son-in-law". She always supported me and my family's dreams and plans. I will look forward to seeing her again on the other side.
Any time big changes occur... the passing of a loved one or the diagnosis of cancer, for example, there are always adjustments that have to be made. An old fellow I knew once told me it took him 6 months to quit pulling down two coffee cups every morning after his wife died.
One of the things that I have to adjust to is physical weakness. I'm just not as strong as I once was. Ok... lets be honest here. I even have the kid at the grocery store pop the lid on the pickles before he bags them for me. I think I'll get stronger as the treatments progress, but right now, I'm a sap.
I will have the stem cell consult on December 19 in Tulsa. I am excited to talk to them and find out what all of that entails.
It has been a while since I've asked for prayers, but today, I think I need them. So, if you will... say a prayer for me to keep my strength and attitude up, to stay grounded in my faith, and to accept life as it comes.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Any time big changes occur... the passing of a loved one or the diagnosis of cancer, for example, there are always adjustments that have to be made. An old fellow I knew once told me it took him 6 months to quit pulling down two coffee cups every morning after his wife died.
One of the things that I have to adjust to is physical weakness. I'm just not as strong as I once was. Ok... lets be honest here. I even have the kid at the grocery store pop the lid on the pickles before he bags them for me. I think I'll get stronger as the treatments progress, but right now, I'm a sap.
I will have the stem cell consult on December 19 in Tulsa. I am excited to talk to them and find out what all of that entails.
It has been a while since I've asked for prayers, but today, I think I need them. So, if you will... say a prayer for me to keep my strength and attitude up, to stay grounded in my faith, and to accept life as it comes.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Debbie's Mother
My mothers mom, Anna Smith, passed away on Thursday evening. Mom & Dad have been in McAlester since then, and DJ and I are heading there Sunday for the funeral on Monday.
When my mom called me to let me know she said, "She won the victory!" And she did win!!! She devoted her life to Christ and now she can rest and be with Him in heaven. Although it is hard to not have her here with us, we have peace knowing where she is.
Please keep my parents and my granddad, Leo, in your prayers.
God gives grace,
kj
When my mom called me to let me know she said, "She won the victory!" And she did win!!! She devoted her life to Christ and now she can rest and be with Him in heaven. Although it is hard to not have her here with us, we have peace knowing where she is.
Please keep my parents and my granddad, Leo, in your prayers.
God gives grace,
kj
Monday, December 1, 2008
Family
Medically, I don't have a great deal of updating. I finished my first round of chemo and started the new one on 11-26-08. I have finished my 3rd round of steroids and I took my last radiation on 11-25-08. I will go to Tulsa on 12-5-08 to be evaluated for the stem cell treatment. More about that in next Monday's blog entry.
In my last blog entry "I am Thankful" (11-26-08) I talked about my family and how important they have been to me in my recovery. And, this has caused me to seriously consider how important family is for the one who is in the throws of healing... whether it is healing from hurts of the body or hurts of the heart.
Last week Debbie spent a great deal of time in McAlester. Of course her mother has been hospitalized for many days, she has pancreatic cancer, and is not long for this world. I sat in my mother-in-law's hospital room and watched my wife loving care for her mother. Although it has not been medically proven, but there seems to be some belief that the cancer has moved into her stomach. She can't keep anything down, and her she constantly complains of pain in her tummy. Debbie stands by her mothers bed and gently rubs her mom's stomach to try to help soothe her pain. She has dabbed cold water in the wash cloth and kept it on her mom's forehead, and she adjusts the warm pad they keep on her aching stomach. Gentle, loving, and caring. The image of God's servant doing what good servants do.
If I was standing over the hospital bed of a loved one would I be as compassionate? Would I suffer my own pain to the benefit of my loved one? I was the pupil in my wife's "classroom of life" last week and I watched her and I learned from her actions. My wife... the teacher. She teaches 2nd graders during the day, and if I pay attention, she teaches me how people are supposed to behave when she is with me.
Then, the thought crossed my mind... what do people do who don't have family? In my recovery of body my wife has had to do things for me that are indescribable. She has done them without complaining, and she has been as gentle and caring as possible. And, without her help I really don't know what I would have done. For example... last night while peeling a potato I cut the tip-end of my left thumb off. Man... it hurt. Triple antibiotic ointment and Band-Aids were my first line of defense. Then, to double my misery, this morning, while toasting an English Muffin, I burned the index finger on my right hand. And when I say burned it, I mean I brought a large water blister about an inch long on the left side of that finger. Remove the use of the left thumb and the right index finger and see if you can button a shirt, tie a shoe, zip the pants, much less tie a tie. If I didn't have my wife, I would have been less than dressed adequately for church this morning!
Family is important. Don't take them for Granted... love them... do whatever it takes to keep your family front and center in your life. You never know when you're going need help buttoning your shirt.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
In my last blog entry "I am Thankful" (11-26-08) I talked about my family and how important they have been to me in my recovery. And, this has caused me to seriously consider how important family is for the one who is in the throws of healing... whether it is healing from hurts of the body or hurts of the heart.
Last week Debbie spent a great deal of time in McAlester. Of course her mother has been hospitalized for many days, she has pancreatic cancer, and is not long for this world. I sat in my mother-in-law's hospital room and watched my wife loving care for her mother. Although it has not been medically proven, but there seems to be some belief that the cancer has moved into her stomach. She can't keep anything down, and her she constantly complains of pain in her tummy. Debbie stands by her mothers bed and gently rubs her mom's stomach to try to help soothe her pain. She has dabbed cold water in the wash cloth and kept it on her mom's forehead, and she adjusts the warm pad they keep on her aching stomach. Gentle, loving, and caring. The image of God's servant doing what good servants do.
If I was standing over the hospital bed of a loved one would I be as compassionate? Would I suffer my own pain to the benefit of my loved one? I was the pupil in my wife's "classroom of life" last week and I watched her and I learned from her actions. My wife... the teacher. She teaches 2nd graders during the day, and if I pay attention, she teaches me how people are supposed to behave when she is with me.
Then, the thought crossed my mind... what do people do who don't have family? In my recovery of body my wife has had to do things for me that are indescribable. She has done them without complaining, and she has been as gentle and caring as possible. And, without her help I really don't know what I would have done. For example... last night while peeling a potato I cut the tip-end of my left thumb off. Man... it hurt. Triple antibiotic ointment and Band-Aids were my first line of defense. Then, to double my misery, this morning, while toasting an English Muffin, I burned the index finger on my right hand. And when I say burned it, I mean I brought a large water blister about an inch long on the left side of that finger. Remove the use of the left thumb and the right index finger and see if you can button a shirt, tie a shoe, zip the pants, much less tie a tie. If I didn't have my wife, I would have been less than dressed adequately for church this morning!
Family is important. Don't take them for Granted... love them... do whatever it takes to keep your family front and center in your life. You never know when you're going need help buttoning your shirt.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I am Thankful!
Especially in the last four months I have found so many reasons to be thankful to God on so many new levels. I thank God for answering prayers that I needed to pray even before I prayed them. I’m thankful for the little things like a painless I.V. puncture and the giant things such as making a $250,000 hospital and doctor bill evaporate in front of my eyes. While I’m thinking about that I.V. puncture, I’m also thankful that after I accidentally pulled my I.V. out, I am thankful that I was able to endure 8 tries to get a good vein to put the I.V. back in! I am just thankful that I serve a God that is so big that he can be in every aspect of my life –the big things and the small things. I hope that my words today will cause you to stop and think about all the veritable ways you can offer thanks to God too. (I apologize now for the length of this entry… but sometimes a guy has to say what a guy has to say!)
I am Thankful…
…to be alive; to able to walk; that the damage to my spinal cord was minimal; that God blessed my medical services providers –Dr. Ben White and his staff –with the hands, hearts, minds, strength and stamina to perform near miracles as they operated on me for 8 hours. And that Kevin my nurse that cared for me the night before this horrifying surgery stayed with me and talked me through my fear and anxiety. I’m thankful for the post operative care I received, for the gentleness of the nursing staff; and that my body has healed so well from such a massively invasive surgery. And, I’m also thankful for the wonderful care of Dr. Michael Keefer and his staff in the Cancer Care office(s) at Mercy and at Hefner Point. All of these people started out as doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and now, many of them feel like friends.
I am Thankful…
…for my wife who worked day and night to help take care of me. She’s fed me, bathed me, dressed me, prayed with and for me, and she has done it all tirelessly while worrying about her own mother who is fighting her final moments with cancer and while teaching school every day possible. And, for my daughter who stays in daily contact with me, comes to see me, rubs my shoulders; and encouraged me to be a part of the ministry message of this blog site. She has reached out to me and loved me and cared for me and encouraged me on the down days and laughed and enjoyed the good days with me. She brings the little girls over to visit “Poppy” and they bring me cards they have made. And, for my son-in-law who stayed with me the night before the surgery. He has definitely seen the worst of me, and he’s still helping me! He came and installed a “handicapped” commode for me before I got home from the hospital. If there is fetching and toting – he’s my man. But the best thing about him is that he loves my daughter and his two little girls. I used to think that Damon was the “son I never had” then it dawned on me one day recently in a prayer, that he is the son God gave me.
I am Thankful..
......for my Mom & Dad for praying for me every day. They call to check on me very often. They always have their best words of encouragement for me to “bundle up, keep warm, don’t fall down, and take good care of myself.” What would I do without my parents??? What would any of us do without our parents??? And, my thankfulness extends specifically for my DAD who at almost 92 years of age prayed for me over the phone before I went down for surgery. [ I think it was the first time he had ever done anything like that!!!]
And, for my brothers and their wonderful wives. They call to check on me, jot me e-mails, keep me buckled down in the “little brother” role, and never miss a chance to take that all important swipe at my ego. Man… my brothers are great guys. They treat me like I’m still the same old me. Refreshing.
I am Thankful…
…for my job; for good insurance; for the blessing that I refer to as my boss! for a support staff and colleagues that still catch work I can’t get done; for other staff members who come by for their daily hug or that shared word of encouragement.
I am also very Thankful for…
…Mike who taught me how to live and how to die; for his wife Lori who is the image of what God had in mind for how a Christian woman is to live and act.
…Jeff and Bobbie who lead our class so successfully and who check on us all the time.
…for Harry and Cindi who have literally stood by us during this entire ride! God could not give us better best friends.
…for Scott, Josh, Mark, and our other ministers, and ministers from other churches, and our elders, and elders from other churches who came to see me in the hospital, and who still check on me,
…for Micah, who at the last minute agreed to try to find something to say over me if the surgery didn’t go well J. I told him I wasn’t speaking from a lack of faith, but I was speaking from a mind of realistic possibilities. He agreed (with a tear in his eye) and said he’d share the task with James (the next guy down.)
…for James who drove down from Lawrence, KS and helped me get settled when I came home from the Hospital, for running errands, for installing a new door knob to help improve security around home central. For checking on me, calling me, emailing me and reaching out to me.
...for Dan who a few years go suffered a very crushing injury. He has taught me not to ask the "why" questions. He taught me to ask the "why not me" questions.
...for Mark & Randy who check my blog almost every day and anways send me notes of encouragement.
...for my two brothers who stepped up to lead my discussion group on Wednesday night. They both agreed to “help” and ended up with the whole thing. Awesome men... serving an awesome God!
...for Lisa & Katie who stayed at my family's side the entire night of my surgery. Thanks for supporting my girls.
...for the 30+ people who came in to check on on my family while I was in the grueling surgery.
...my friend, brother, and doctor Jeff who came to the hospital and sat with me the night of my diagnosis. He came to comfort me and dispell my fears. Jeff will never know what that meant to me.
…for Wilma and Sam who brought my Mom and Dad to see me while I was in the hospital! Thanks so, so much.
…for Scott L. who drove from Springdale, AR to spend the afternoon with me one Sunday, and took me to help me wash our car, and who prayed for me through a few tears.
…for Kelley and Jade for their loving concern, and e-mails, and willingness to let us crash at their house when we travel down to Ada.
…for Michael who came and watched the season opener OU game with me (…and No.. I’m not an OU fan, but he was a friend who came and it made it all okay!)
…for David and his daily hug and word of encouragement.
…for the tons of folks who send me e-mails, cards, and letters. And MANY of them are dealing with their OWN life worries and health problems.
… for the ones who leave comments on the blog site, for the ones who call to check on me day after day, and who pray for me.
…that many, MANY people from all my past work, school, and church families have reconnected with us!
And… last, but certainly not least…I am Thankful to God…
…that he loves me,
…that he cares for me,
…that in spite of my callous attitudes of the past, he has lavished his good grace and blessings on me!
…for healing me
…for being there for me when I need him
…for waiting patiently when I forget to need him
…and for letting me live long enough to find my way back to him
And… this is only the tip of the iceberg. I could keep going, but even with the fear of leaving out someone I must stop. God has blessed me with friends, family, good medicine, and a loving spiritual family that helps lift the burdens. What more could a guy ask for?
Give thanks to God the Father,
Grace & Peace…and Happy Thanksgiving!
Bob
I am Thankful…
…to be alive; to able to walk; that the damage to my spinal cord was minimal; that God blessed my medical services providers –Dr. Ben White and his staff –with the hands, hearts, minds, strength and stamina to perform near miracles as they operated on me for 8 hours. And that Kevin my nurse that cared for me the night before this horrifying surgery stayed with me and talked me through my fear and anxiety. I’m thankful for the post operative care I received, for the gentleness of the nursing staff; and that my body has healed so well from such a massively invasive surgery. And, I’m also thankful for the wonderful care of Dr. Michael Keefer and his staff in the Cancer Care office(s) at Mercy and at Hefner Point. All of these people started out as doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, and now, many of them feel like friends.
I am Thankful…
…for my wife who worked day and night to help take care of me. She’s fed me, bathed me, dressed me, prayed with and for me, and she has done it all tirelessly while worrying about her own mother who is fighting her final moments with cancer and while teaching school every day possible. And, for my daughter who stays in daily contact with me, comes to see me, rubs my shoulders; and encouraged me to be a part of the ministry message of this blog site. She has reached out to me and loved me and cared for me and encouraged me on the down days and laughed and enjoyed the good days with me. She brings the little girls over to visit “Poppy” and they bring me cards they have made. And, for my son-in-law who stayed with me the night before the surgery. He has definitely seen the worst of me, and he’s still helping me! He came and installed a “handicapped” commode for me before I got home from the hospital. If there is fetching and toting – he’s my man. But the best thing about him is that he loves my daughter and his two little girls. I used to think that Damon was the “son I never had” then it dawned on me one day recently in a prayer, that he is the son God gave me.
I am Thankful..
......for my Mom & Dad for praying for me every day. They call to check on me very often. They always have their best words of encouragement for me to “bundle up, keep warm, don’t fall down, and take good care of myself.” What would I do without my parents??? What would any of us do without our parents??? And, my thankfulness extends specifically for my DAD who at almost 92 years of age prayed for me over the phone before I went down for surgery. [ I think it was the first time he had ever done anything like that!!!]
And, for my brothers and their wonderful wives. They call to check on me, jot me e-mails, keep me buckled down in the “little brother” role, and never miss a chance to take that all important swipe at my ego. Man… my brothers are great guys. They treat me like I’m still the same old me. Refreshing.
I am Thankful…
…for my job; for good insurance; for the blessing that I refer to as my boss! for a support staff and colleagues that still catch work I can’t get done; for other staff members who come by for their daily hug or that shared word of encouragement.
I am also very Thankful for…
…Mike who taught me how to live and how to die; for his wife Lori who is the image of what God had in mind for how a Christian woman is to live and act.
…Jeff and Bobbie who lead our class so successfully and who check on us all the time.
…for Harry and Cindi who have literally stood by us during this entire ride! God could not give us better best friends.
…for Scott, Josh, Mark, and our other ministers, and ministers from other churches, and our elders, and elders from other churches who came to see me in the hospital, and who still check on me,
…for Micah, who at the last minute agreed to try to find something to say over me if the surgery didn’t go well J. I told him I wasn’t speaking from a lack of faith, but I was speaking from a mind of realistic possibilities. He agreed (with a tear in his eye) and said he’d share the task with James (the next guy down.)
…for James who drove down from Lawrence, KS and helped me get settled when I came home from the Hospital, for running errands, for installing a new door knob to help improve security around home central. For checking on me, calling me, emailing me and reaching out to me.
...for Dan who a few years go suffered a very crushing injury. He has taught me not to ask the "why" questions. He taught me to ask the "why not me" questions.
...for Mark & Randy who check my blog almost every day and anways send me notes of encouragement.
...for my two brothers who stepped up to lead my discussion group on Wednesday night. They both agreed to “help” and ended up with the whole thing. Awesome men... serving an awesome God!
...for Lisa & Katie who stayed at my family's side the entire night of my surgery. Thanks for supporting my girls.
...for the 30+ people who came in to check on on my family while I was in the grueling surgery.
...my friend, brother, and doctor Jeff who came to the hospital and sat with me the night of my diagnosis. He came to comfort me and dispell my fears. Jeff will never know what that meant to me.
…for Wilma and Sam who brought my Mom and Dad to see me while I was in the hospital! Thanks so, so much.
…for Scott L. who drove from Springdale, AR to spend the afternoon with me one Sunday, and took me to help me wash our car, and who prayed for me through a few tears.
…for Kelley and Jade for their loving concern, and e-mails, and willingness to let us crash at their house when we travel down to Ada.
…for Michael who came and watched the season opener OU game with me (…and No.. I’m not an OU fan, but he was a friend who came and it made it all okay!)
…for David and his daily hug and word of encouragement.
…for the tons of folks who send me e-mails, cards, and letters. And MANY of them are dealing with their OWN life worries and health problems.
… for the ones who leave comments on the blog site, for the ones who call to check on me day after day, and who pray for me.
…that many, MANY people from all my past work, school, and church families have reconnected with us!
And… last, but certainly not least…I am Thankful to God…
…that he loves me,
…that he cares for me,
…that in spite of my callous attitudes of the past, he has lavished his good grace and blessings on me!
…for healing me
…for being there for me when I need him
…for waiting patiently when I forget to need him
…and for letting me live long enough to find my way back to him
And… this is only the tip of the iceberg. I could keep going, but even with the fear of leaving out someone I must stop. God has blessed me with friends, family, good medicine, and a loving spiritual family that helps lift the burdens. What more could a guy ask for?
Give thanks to God the Father,
Grace & Peace…and Happy Thanksgiving!
Bob
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Poppy & Addy
I just loved this picture! My daddy and my Addy....can't get much better than that!!! ~kj
Monday, November 24, 2008
Good Stuff....
Greetings To All!
Before I start the Monday BLOG about my recovery, let me invite you to log back in later this week because we’ll be posting a special edition. My daughter Karyn pointed out to me a few days ago that this year (as if more than other years) there is MUCH to be thankful for. I took her remarks to heart and I will post my “I’m Thankful For…” blog on Wednesday, 11-26-08.
Now… to the really good stuff! On Friday morning I went to the oncology doctor (Michael Keefer who, like me, is 54 and born in 54). He said my blood work looked good and he was ecstatic about my condition. I asked him about the radiation and he said it looked great and that it was forcing numbers back to where they should be. He said my immune system was only slightly compromised and he was sure that I would be fine. He told me to take all the precautions about colds, flu, and hand sanitation, etc. I finished my first round of Chemotherapy last Tuesday. The next prescription arrives via UPS on this Tuesday AM, but I will have blood work on Tuesday afternoon before I start it on Wednesday AM. As much as I can tell, I have had NO ill side affects from the chemo. The radiation, not such good luck – it makes me very tired, I have a little square “sunburn” on my chest/stomach, and I glow all night and it keeps Debbie awake. OK, that last one was just a joke. But the tired part… that is a “FOR sure”.
I am now 3 weeks without using a walker!!! I’m learning to be surer on my feet. I have to remember that in addition to not being 17 any more, I have lost a lot of feeling in my feet and legs. When I get up from a chair, if I don’t stand and get my balance, it makes for a very tricky take-off. If I balance and get my bearings, I can navigate just fine. I have to be careful to correct missteps early, and not make any jerky movements. I am fairly certain these issues will certainly keep me out of the running to be on Dancing with the Stars! …However, if being old, clumsy, and slow didn’t keep Cloris Leachman out of the line-up then maybe I still have a shot!
Make sure God is with you every step of your way this week. Depend on Him. Trust Him. Turn your heart and mind to Him! I’ll see you Wednesday.
Grace & Peace to all.
Bob
Monday, November 17, 2008
PRAYING THROUGH THE HURT
(Note: Our Church had a prayer expo this last weekend and I was asked to write a prayer about praying through the hurt. Below is the prayer I submitted. I hope it ministers to you.)
Holy Father,
You are the maker of all good things, the Supreme Being, the God of the Universe. It is humbling that as a human being, with all my frailties, I am permitted to address you face to face. I am blessed to know you and I am blessed to be in your presence. Thank you for the gracious gifts you shower upon me.
Father, you know more about me than I than I know about myself, and it is because of this intimate knowledge that I have the freedom to come before you with my prayers and desires. You know that I have suffered many hurts in my life. Some of my hurts are the results of decisions I have made that have hurt myself or others. Some of my hurts are accidental, some are intentional. Some I’ve caused on myself and some are hurts levied on me by others. And there are other hurts that are not the result of actions by any human, but just by the nature of life. Regardless where the hurts come from they cause pain; pain I am left to reconcile and resolve within the confines of your grace and holiness. I ask your forgiveness for the pain I have caused others and I ask for strength as I seek forgiveness from those I have injured.
Father I know when I experience a hurt you come near to help me carry the burden. As my loving God and Father, you want to help lift the load. Give me the peace of mind to let you help me carry the burdens that weigh me down. There are times, however, when you want me to live with my hurts and pain for a little while. It is these times that you want me to know the pain so I can appreciate the blessing of freedom when the pain is lifted.
Sometimes, God, I let my human curiosity take command of my heart and I try to understand the “why” behind the pain. But in the Proverbs you told us that we are to trust in you and that we cannot rely on our own understanding. You have also told us that you will not give us more than we can bear, and you have told us by in placing our confidence in you that we can rise victorious over the pain. Give me the hope that comes in living in your presence.
Teach me how to find joy in my hurts. Help me learn how to give you glory when my spirit is crushed under pain. Take away the fear that paralyzes me, remind me that you are with me and that you will comfort and protect me.
It is through Jesus’ Holy Name,
A-men
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Trust in the Lord
A dear sister in Christ reminded me of the Proverbs 3:5 verse that says, in essence… “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.” I don’t know why all of this happened to me, but I also don’t know why it shouldn’t happen to me. About three years ago I made a conscious effort to work on my relationship with my wife and with my God. Little did I know that when I got the relationship with God in a better condition, that all of my other relationships would line up behind them. Now, let me quickly add, that all I can say is that things are better, not perfect. Ok… a lot better. But I still struggle with keeping a bridle in my mouth.
Some of you share with me that you have issues and problems in your life or in the lives of your family. Some have said, “Why?” Again, I toss it back…“Why not?” God has given you the tools that those who live without God’s grace do not have. God promised you that he would not leave you, that he would not give you more than you could handle, and that he would give you his Holy Spirit to be a counselor to help you through the hard times. God told us to rejoice in the hard times because it is an opportunity to give HIM glory.
Look forward to the hard times, not with joy and excitement because things are falling apart around you, but because it is at those times you get closer to God. And if you are not getting closer to God… then you’re walking the wrong way.
Grace & Peace to all
– Bob
Some of you share with me that you have issues and problems in your life or in the lives of your family. Some have said, “Why?” Again, I toss it back…“Why not?” God has given you the tools that those who live without God’s grace do not have. God promised you that he would not leave you, that he would not give you more than you could handle, and that he would give you his Holy Spirit to be a counselor to help you through the hard times. God told us to rejoice in the hard times because it is an opportunity to give HIM glory.
Look forward to the hard times, not with joy and excitement because things are falling apart around you, but because it is at those times you get closer to God. And if you are not getting closer to God… then you’re walking the wrong way.
Grace & Peace to all
– Bob
Monday, November 10, 2008
THE EVIDENCE IS CHANGING…
Saturday morning, I went “sale-ing” for a couple hours. Now for those of you who may not know all of my down-falls in life, being a chronic Garage-sale-a-holic is one of them. Besides a bunch of stuff I really didn’t need I found a nice clock for my office, and a handful of Christian CD’s. One is of the “Kings of Joy” an all black male group and friends…they rock!
After I rested a few hours, Debbie and went to a late lunch and then went to the movie “Fireproof”. This movie is awesome! It stars Kirk Cameron and it is a tremendous movie. It carries a very strong message… a message every man and woman in America need to hear. It addresses the single most destructive force in any marriage –selfishness.
Even though I didn’t sleep many hours Saturday night, Sunday morning I woke feeling great. We went to church, Bible class, and then to lunch with our kids. I took Debbie home and went to the grocery store for about an hour to buy food for our church pantry drive. Then we went to evening church and to our Brother’s Keepers group meeting.
All day Saturday I leaned on my walker. But Sunday… all day… I did not use the walker at all! I decided that if I don’t force the issue with my feet and legs, I may never get the feeling back. So, I am living the miracle that I believe God will work in my life. Like the caption at the top of this blog page… “Hope is believing in spite of the evidence, then watching the evidence change.” The evidence is changing. I’m getting stronger.
Grace & Peace to All –
Bob
After I rested a few hours, Debbie and went to a late lunch and then went to the movie “Fireproof”. This movie is awesome! It stars Kirk Cameron and it is a tremendous movie. It carries a very strong message… a message every man and woman in America need to hear. It addresses the single most destructive force in any marriage –selfishness.
Even though I didn’t sleep many hours Saturday night, Sunday morning I woke feeling great. We went to church, Bible class, and then to lunch with our kids. I took Debbie home and went to the grocery store for about an hour to buy food for our church pantry drive. Then we went to evening church and to our Brother’s Keepers group meeting.
All day Saturday I leaned on my walker. But Sunday… all day… I did not use the walker at all! I decided that if I don’t force the issue with my feet and legs, I may never get the feeling back. So, I am living the miracle that I believe God will work in my life. Like the caption at the top of this blog page… “Hope is believing in spite of the evidence, then watching the evidence change.” The evidence is changing. I’m getting stronger.
Grace & Peace to All –
Bob
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thursday Thoughts
I continue to get stronger as the days go. I’m in my 3rd week of radiation, my 4th week of steroids, and my 2nd week of chemotherapy. The only side affect is that I become more robust and handsome every day.
Now, hopefully I’ve made you laugh, and now I want to make you stop and think. (Sorry, this is just what I do.)
I always believed that people who had long illnesses would be the most prepared to “meet their maker.” I assumed that as the body became weaker, the more the mind could (would) focus on the spirit of Jesus. So, conversely, I thought those who died because of accident or injury were the ones who had to go before God with what they had; no less and no more.
The cancer that stalks me is a mouse compared to the lion of cancer that others have. But I just assumed that any diagnosis of the dreaded disease would cause me to take my soul even more serious than I do. I was sure that I would really focus on being the man God wanted me to be. However, what I have found is that I am just as tempted to sin today as I was before I knew there was cancer in my body. I believed that with the diagnosis I would become closer to God than before, that I would not be inclined to sin as I had in the past, and that I would leave this life “squeaky clean” having been given the chance to clean up prior to my exit cue. My relationship with God is certainly stronger now than before, but I made the conscious effort to repair that relationship a few years ago.
So, now my belief is this; as long as a man lives the temptation of sin is ever present. There does not seem to be a reprieve to the temptation. Satan, the chump, never lets up. He just keeps on and keeps on... trying to dig away at me. I suppose if my diagnosis was terminal with only a few days, weeks, or months left, that he would not ease up on me even then. Satan has no compassion.
My prayer for myself and for everyone else is that we recognize the lies Satan throws at us. I pray that we not fool ourselves into thinking that “we’ll have plenty of time” to give our lives to Jesus. None of us know when it will be our time to go to heaven's home, and some of us depend on a false sense of security (eg., excellent health or youth) to believe that we've got more time on earth than we may have. The only hour you know is yours for absolute certain, is the one you just finished. Turn to God. Trust him. The clock is ticking.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Now, hopefully I’ve made you laugh, and now I want to make you stop and think. (Sorry, this is just what I do.)
I always believed that people who had long illnesses would be the most prepared to “meet their maker.” I assumed that as the body became weaker, the more the mind could (would) focus on the spirit of Jesus. So, conversely, I thought those who died because of accident or injury were the ones who had to go before God with what they had; no less and no more.
The cancer that stalks me is a mouse compared to the lion of cancer that others have. But I just assumed that any diagnosis of the dreaded disease would cause me to take my soul even more serious than I do. I was sure that I would really focus on being the man God wanted me to be. However, what I have found is that I am just as tempted to sin today as I was before I knew there was cancer in my body. I believed that with the diagnosis I would become closer to God than before, that I would not be inclined to sin as I had in the past, and that I would leave this life “squeaky clean” having been given the chance to clean up prior to my exit cue. My relationship with God is certainly stronger now than before, but I made the conscious effort to repair that relationship a few years ago.
So, now my belief is this; as long as a man lives the temptation of sin is ever present. There does not seem to be a reprieve to the temptation. Satan, the chump, never lets up. He just keeps on and keeps on... trying to dig away at me. I suppose if my diagnosis was terminal with only a few days, weeks, or months left, that he would not ease up on me even then. Satan has no compassion.
My prayer for myself and for everyone else is that we recognize the lies Satan throws at us. I pray that we not fool ourselves into thinking that “we’ll have plenty of time” to give our lives to Jesus. None of us know when it will be our time to go to heaven's home, and some of us depend on a false sense of security (eg., excellent health or youth) to believe that we've got more time on earth than we may have. The only hour you know is yours for absolute certain, is the one you just finished. Turn to God. Trust him. The clock is ticking.
Grace & Peace,
Bob
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Out & About
Mom & Dad got out this morning and came to Lily's soccer game. It was GREAT having him there. Lily got her first goal and ran over and said "That one was for you Poppy!" Pretty cute!!
He started his chemo pill, and is pretty tired from the radiation, but we are all just praying that his body is accepting the treatments. Thanks for your continued prayers!
God is good, ALL the time!
He started his chemo pill, and is pretty tired from the radiation, but we are all just praying that his body is accepting the treatments. Thanks for your continued prayers!
God is good, ALL the time!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Greetings to all from Bob!
Yesterday afternoon I saw a Dr. Young. She's part of the team of doctors with Dr. Clark and Dr. Keefer. Things are happening now.
1. They did another CT scan on me yesterday and measured me for additional radiation treatments that will include the 8th rib right posterior and the pelvic. They will start the new radiation treatments on Wednesday.
2. The Chemo therapy company called me on Friday and they are shipping my Revlimid (chemo oral medication) to the house Tuesday by special courier. That medication is supposed to arrive by 8:30 AM today. I will then call the oncologists office to get dosing procedures. Nothing has ever made me sick, but I am told that if any medication will make one sick, it will be this one.
3. I took my 3rd steroid pack on Saturday AM. I've mentioned that the steroids tend to make me jittery and I get mouthy with Debbie. But she understands and although she doesn't let me get away with murder, she is very sweet about it all. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Debbie and how much I appreciate her willingness to stand by me in these really trying times.
The Doctor seems to think I'm right on schedule. She says everything looks good and she's proud of my recovery to date.
Before I stop today, I need to add two personal notes. The first is of concern for any and everyone who reads this blog site. If you engage in self destructive behaviors, please consider a lifestyle change. I have been obese most all of my life, and although I am told that nothing I did or could not have done could have caused or side-stepped this cancer, I really sort of believe maybe I could have done some things to lessen the possibility. However, that is neither here, nor there. But, my concern right here, right now today is for those of you who may do things that have certainly been linked to cancer in one form or another, please, please consider alternatives.
And I also want to say "see you later" to Mike, my friend from church who won his battle over cancer last Saturday morning when he went home to live with God. In Mike, I saw God's gentle grace and peace. I would sure like to think that he had his moments that he would melt-down like I do. But he had a heart for God and a quiet, gentle spirit that was kind and caring. I'll miss Mike. Mike had Mesothelioma which is a "lion" in comparison to the Multiple Myeloma"mouse" I have, but I was looking forward to comparing notes with him, at least for a while. I had stayed away because I get so emotional, and I didn't want to upset him. Now, he's gone... but he is still there for me. So, "I'll see you later, Mike. Thanks for the stuff you did teach me. Ask God to give some doctor some place the brains and guts to find a cure for this stuff."
Grace & Peace to All...
Bob Utley
1. They did another CT scan on me yesterday and measured me for additional radiation treatments that will include the 8th rib right posterior and the pelvic. They will start the new radiation treatments on Wednesday.
2. The Chemo therapy company called me on Friday and they are shipping my Revlimid (chemo oral medication) to the house Tuesday by special courier. That medication is supposed to arrive by 8:30 AM today. I will then call the oncologists office to get dosing procedures. Nothing has ever made me sick, but I am told that if any medication will make one sick, it will be this one.
3. I took my 3rd steroid pack on Saturday AM. I've mentioned that the steroids tend to make me jittery and I get mouthy with Debbie. But she understands and although she doesn't let me get away with murder, she is very sweet about it all. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Debbie and how much I appreciate her willingness to stand by me in these really trying times.
The Doctor seems to think I'm right on schedule. She says everything looks good and she's proud of my recovery to date.
Before I stop today, I need to add two personal notes. The first is of concern for any and everyone who reads this blog site. If you engage in self destructive behaviors, please consider a lifestyle change. I have been obese most all of my life, and although I am told that nothing I did or could not have done could have caused or side-stepped this cancer, I really sort of believe maybe I could have done some things to lessen the possibility. However, that is neither here, nor there. But, my concern right here, right now today is for those of you who may do things that have certainly been linked to cancer in one form or another, please, please consider alternatives.
And I also want to say "see you later" to Mike, my friend from church who won his battle over cancer last Saturday morning when he went home to live with God. In Mike, I saw God's gentle grace and peace. I would sure like to think that he had his moments that he would melt-down like I do. But he had a heart for God and a quiet, gentle spirit that was kind and caring. I'll miss Mike. Mike had Mesothelioma which is a "lion" in comparison to the Multiple Myeloma"mouse" I have, but I was looking forward to comparing notes with him, at least for a while. I had stayed away because I get so emotional, and I didn't want to upset him. Now, he's gone... but he is still there for me. So, "I'll see you later, Mike. Thanks for the stuff you did teach me. Ask God to give some doctor some place the brains and guts to find a cure for this stuff."
Grace & Peace to All...
Bob Utley
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Treatments Going Well
On Tuesday I started my radiation treatments. They are painless, except for the position they put me in. I lay on my back on a hard table (that is not quite wide enough) and I put both hands above my head and grasp two little "bicycle handles bars" and hang on. The big machine circles my body and makes little wheezing noises. Then the machine drops below my body and they treat me from below, too... I guess. I don't know what they are doing with me. They could be blowing "fufu dust" on me for all I know.
Next Monday afternoon they will re-measure me which means that they will do a new CT scan on me. I've had pain in my spine, 8th rib (lower right), pelvic, and shoulder. They want to pin-point these areas so they can begin treating them with radiation as well. I do know that Dr. Clark (radiology oncologist) did NOT intend to zap the pelvic, rib, etc. and he planned to let the other treatments address them. But then, I started having pain so he will nuke them for a faster recovery.
If you'll recall, a week or so ago I picked a few random words that were on my heart. Today, I'm going to do the same thing. Today, my word is Blessing.
It would be impossible to account for all the outpouring of concern and love we have received during these last several weeks. People bring food, still send cards, and call on the phone to see what we need. Folks in my office have offered to help me by taking some of my duties to help alleviate any stress I have. I can't begin to say how "blessed" it is to be the recipient of so many blessings.
God continues to look after me. He continues to make things happened for me and I am very grateful. The Chemotherapy medication has been approved, the radiation is going well, I'm not having any major reaction to the steroids (other than they play games with my depression) and the insurance company has already approved me for the stem cell transplants.
Continue to pray for my body to respond to treatments.
Grace & Peace to all
Bob "Robert" Utley
Next Monday afternoon they will re-measure me which means that they will do a new CT scan on me. I've had pain in my spine, 8th rib (lower right), pelvic, and shoulder. They want to pin-point these areas so they can begin treating them with radiation as well. I do know that Dr. Clark (radiology oncologist) did NOT intend to zap the pelvic, rib, etc. and he planned to let the other treatments address them. But then, I started having pain so he will nuke them for a faster recovery.
If you'll recall, a week or so ago I picked a few random words that were on my heart. Today, I'm going to do the same thing. Today, my word is Blessing.
It would be impossible to account for all the outpouring of concern and love we have received during these last several weeks. People bring food, still send cards, and call on the phone to see what we need. Folks in my office have offered to help me by taking some of my duties to help alleviate any stress I have. I can't begin to say how "blessed" it is to be the recipient of so many blessings.
God continues to look after me. He continues to make things happened for me and I am very grateful. The Chemotherapy medication has been approved, the radiation is going well, I'm not having any major reaction to the steroids (other than they play games with my depression) and the insurance company has already approved me for the stem cell transplants.
Continue to pray for my body to respond to treatments.
Grace & Peace to all
Bob "Robert" Utley
Monday, October 20, 2008
Workin' 9 to 5...
Dad went back to work today! (It was more like 9:30 - 2:30 NOT 9 - 5!) He did good and was glad to be back.
He has his first radiation treatment is tomorrow, and he will go M-F, each day for 3 weeks. The chemo pill is still in the works (insurance approval is a hassle.)
Please pray that tomorrow goes well. Pray that the chemo approval goes through. Pray for my mom's health and strength. Pray for dad, and let him see how his strength and faith are encouraging SO many others.
God is good all the time!
He has his first radiation treatment is tomorrow, and he will go M-F, each day for 3 weeks. The chemo pill is still in the works (insurance approval is a hassle.)
Please pray that tomorrow goes well. Pray that the chemo approval goes through. Pray for my mom's health and strength. Pray for dad, and let him see how his strength and faith are encouraging SO many others.
God is good all the time!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Update from Bob on Wednesday...
Greetings to Friends and Family;
Today has been a good day! I’ve felt pretty good, although I didn’t sleep very well last night. I’ve been in the doctor’s offices every day this week and tomorrow will be a one day reprieve and I’ll be back at the hospital on Friday for another test.
On Monday 10-13 I saw Dr. Doug Clark. He is the radiology oncologist. He had them prep me for my first radiation treatments. I’ll have my first treatment on Tuesday afternoon (10-21-08) at 3:45 PM. Then, I’ll have one every day for about a month. I think I’ll just consume my food raw, and then let the radiation cook it and me at the same time. J
Yesterday, Tuesday 10-14 I had my follow up appointment with my neuro-surgeon, Dr. Ben White. He was very excited to see me getting around as well as I was. He really did believe that I would most likely be paralyzed from the tumor pressing against my spinal cord and from the surgical procedure. Even though I walk with a walker, he is delighted that I can get around as well as I can. I really don’t believe I understood how concerned he was. Debbie tells me that she and Karyn understood the gravity of my situation, but I didn’t.
Today, I just went and got a flu shot. Rumor has it that I will be a two flu-shot per year person from now on. The Chemotherapy and radiation will compromise my immune system, and being a diabetic, I will have to stay on top of the flu vaccines.
Tomorrow, Thursday 10-16, Debbie and I will drive down to McAlester to see our parents. Debbie is off for fall break and I asked my doctor if I could accompany her and he agreed that I could go. I’m excited to get to go.
Friday, 10-17 I’ll have a PET scan. I understand it is a more exact scan and will help them know exactly where I will get my radiation treatments and chemo treatments.
I want to thank you again for praying for us. God is taking good care of me and Debbie… but we certainly need your encouragement and prayers.
Grace & Peace to all!
Bob Utley
Today has been a good day! I’ve felt pretty good, although I didn’t sleep very well last night. I’ve been in the doctor’s offices every day this week and tomorrow will be a one day reprieve and I’ll be back at the hospital on Friday for another test.
On Monday 10-13 I saw Dr. Doug Clark. He is the radiology oncologist. He had them prep me for my first radiation treatments. I’ll have my first treatment on Tuesday afternoon (10-21-08) at 3:45 PM. Then, I’ll have one every day for about a month. I think I’ll just consume my food raw, and then let the radiation cook it and me at the same time. J
Yesterday, Tuesday 10-14 I had my follow up appointment with my neuro-surgeon, Dr. Ben White. He was very excited to see me getting around as well as I was. He really did believe that I would most likely be paralyzed from the tumor pressing against my spinal cord and from the surgical procedure. Even though I walk with a walker, he is delighted that I can get around as well as I can. I really don’t believe I understood how concerned he was. Debbie tells me that she and Karyn understood the gravity of my situation, but I didn’t.
Today, I just went and got a flu shot. Rumor has it that I will be a two flu-shot per year person from now on. The Chemotherapy and radiation will compromise my immune system, and being a diabetic, I will have to stay on top of the flu vaccines.
Tomorrow, Thursday 10-16, Debbie and I will drive down to McAlester to see our parents. Debbie is off for fall break and I asked my doctor if I could accompany her and he agreed that I could go. I’m excited to get to go.
Friday, 10-17 I’ll have a PET scan. I understand it is a more exact scan and will help them know exactly where I will get my radiation treatments and chemo treatments.
I want to thank you again for praying for us. God is taking good care of me and Debbie… but we certainly need your encouragement and prayers.
Grace & Peace to all!
Bob Utley
Monday, October 13, 2008
Schedule
Today dad went and met with the radiologist, Dr. Clark (we will have a test at some point, so I hope you're remembering all these names!)
This is the current schedule:
This is the current schedule:
- Chemo pill, one pill a day for 21 days and then off for 7. (Those might start this week or next.)
- The first radiation treatment will start next Tuesday at 3:45 PM. He has been "tattooed" to mark the affected areas, and the radiation will target those areas.
- He's already on steroids to "shrink" the tumors as well.
- He meets with the surgeon Dr. White tomorrow for a check up.
- He also will have the PET scan (I think Friday) to make sure there are not other spots.
I know dad has asked that everyone pray for his body to accept the treatment, I also want to add that he will not have ill side effects from the medications/radiation. You hear of some people being nauseous, sick and tired, and then others have no complications! I am asking for NO (or few) complications!!
Thank you for your prayers!
God is SO good!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
One Month Later
Dear Friends and Family,
Today is Saturday, October 11, 2008. The surgery to remove the affected vertebra in my back happened 1 month ago today. And today I took my first round of steroid medications to combat the cancer in my body. The chemotherapy medication is on order and should be here this week and I will start it as soon as it arrives. I am happy that we are doing things to fight the disease, instead of just waiting for things to happen.
I’ve been able to get out and around some. I drove myself to the doctor’s office on Thursday and to get a hair cut on Friday. Also, last night I drove to church to attend our Celebrate Recovery program. Driving is a little daunting because it has been over a month since I have driven at all. But, I did just fine. I’m very cautious and I stay on “all point lookout” the entire time I’m behind the wheel. And, for those who might wonder, no… I don’t use the cell phone while driving.
I mentioned being at Celebrate Recovery last night. This is the program that has helped me with my chronic depression. Since it has been a month since I was able to go, I just had to attend. It was wonderful getting to see friends and recovery siblings. My random word for today is a word that was used last night. The word is “Grace”.
I cannot even write for the tears streaming my face. God’s grace has been lavished on us beyond description. We’ve seen his miracles over and over, and we have enjoyed his grace like never before. There is no way I can list them all, but here are just a few of God’s gifts of grace that we have received.
1. Dr. White (the neurosurgeon) typically does not see patients on Friday, but the week I needed to see him (back in early September), he had some open time on that Friday, and I just happened to be the one who got to see him. GRACE!
2. I learned yesterday that my chemotherapy medication is covered by my insurance. A 4-month supply of my chemo medication would equal the cost of a brand new Buick. My co-pay is $45 for each of those 4 months. GRACE!
3. I have had some pain associated with the surgery, but nothing like the pain I endured before the surgery. GRACE!
4. Debbie’s mother has been able to maintain her strength… and actually improve some. We believe God knows I need Debbie here with me. GRACE!
5. Although I have had some sad moments, and there are times my depression chews on me, I’ve been able to keep a fairly good energy and spirit. GRACE!
6. My cancer is treatable and the prognosis is very good at this point. GRACE!
I continue to count the gifts of God’s grace because I need to know – I need to see, feel, and hear how God is helping me and how he is reaching out to me every day.
Grace – It is free to all, no one deserves it, but everyone receives it. Even in the very darkest of storms, God’s grace is there. I am encouraging you… and you encourage me to remember that all we have to do is reach out and take it.
–Bob Utley
Today is Saturday, October 11, 2008. The surgery to remove the affected vertebra in my back happened 1 month ago today. And today I took my first round of steroid medications to combat the cancer in my body. The chemotherapy medication is on order and should be here this week and I will start it as soon as it arrives. I am happy that we are doing things to fight the disease, instead of just waiting for things to happen.
I’ve been able to get out and around some. I drove myself to the doctor’s office on Thursday and to get a hair cut on Friday. Also, last night I drove to church to attend our Celebrate Recovery program. Driving is a little daunting because it has been over a month since I have driven at all. But, I did just fine. I’m very cautious and I stay on “all point lookout” the entire time I’m behind the wheel. And, for those who might wonder, no… I don’t use the cell phone while driving.
I mentioned being at Celebrate Recovery last night. This is the program that has helped me with my chronic depression. Since it has been a month since I was able to go, I just had to attend. It was wonderful getting to see friends and recovery siblings. My random word for today is a word that was used last night. The word is “Grace”.
I cannot even write for the tears streaming my face. God’s grace has been lavished on us beyond description. We’ve seen his miracles over and over, and we have enjoyed his grace like never before. There is no way I can list them all, but here are just a few of God’s gifts of grace that we have received.
1. Dr. White (the neurosurgeon) typically does not see patients on Friday, but the week I needed to see him (back in early September), he had some open time on that Friday, and I just happened to be the one who got to see him. GRACE!
2. I learned yesterday that my chemotherapy medication is covered by my insurance. A 4-month supply of my chemo medication would equal the cost of a brand new Buick. My co-pay is $45 for each of those 4 months. GRACE!
3. I have had some pain associated with the surgery, but nothing like the pain I endured before the surgery. GRACE!
4. Debbie’s mother has been able to maintain her strength… and actually improve some. We believe God knows I need Debbie here with me. GRACE!
5. Although I have had some sad moments, and there are times my depression chews on me, I’ve been able to keep a fairly good energy and spirit. GRACE!
6. My cancer is treatable and the prognosis is very good at this point. GRACE!
I continue to count the gifts of God’s grace because I need to know – I need to see, feel, and hear how God is helping me and how he is reaching out to me every day.
Grace – It is free to all, no one deserves it, but everyone receives it. Even in the very darkest of storms, God’s grace is there. I am encouraging you… and you encourage me to remember that all we have to do is reach out and take it.
–Bob Utley
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Thursday Update
Greetings To All:
I'm just going to make this brief. I want to let you know that things are starting to happen. Continue to pray for me in that my body will react to the medication positively, but also, pray for the doctors who are (and will) treat me.
First, I will see Dr. Doug Clark on Monday, 10-13. He is a radiation oncologist. He is the one Dr. Keefer has asked to evaluate me for the radiation on my spine and other tumors. Then, on Tuesday, I'll have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Ben White, my neurosurgeon. I think he'll be pleasantly surprised that I have healed as much as I have, and that I really don't have a great deal of pain. I have spoken to Dr. Keefer on the phone a few times this week and he is still trying to get my insurance company to approve the PET scan that he has requested. He wants me to start the chemo and steroid therapy as soon as possible. But he wants a PET scan before we start.
I plan to ask the surgeon to release me to work partial days for a few weeks and then hopefully go back to work full time on 1-11. I know I'll miss work periodically due to treatments, and etc. But, I just have to go back to work. Part of my desire to go back to work is to get me out of this house! I'm getting more claustrophobic as time goes by. I have to get back around people. It helps pull the focus off of me and I can focus on tasks at hand.
I apologize for the use of the "Random Words" but that seems to be the way my mind operates. Today's Random Word is: ADJUSTMENT
I am having to make lots of adjustments in my life. I've not driven a car in over a month so my independence has been compromised and I have had to adjust to that. I have been a right-side sleeper all my life. Now, with the steel rods in my spine, I am having to adjust to sleeping on my back. I am having to adjust to forcing myself to eat substantial food. I'd do fine with bran flakes, ham and cheese on whole wheat, and Campbell's low sodium soup, but I also know I need real food to help my body heal. Also, I am adjusting to the fact that I don't have the energy I did when I was younger... (ok. I don't even have the energy I did 6 months ago.) I'm having to adjust to the fact that I fatigue really quick.
So, I'm adjusting. I have a pretty good attitude, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have moments when I get sad or upset. When I get the "blues" I try to remind myself to recall the first four lines of a famous prayer... "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It helps me get through the tough times.
Continue to pray for me and for Debbie. With looking out after me, teaching full time, and concern for her own mother who is in the hospital in McAlester, Debbie's dance card is pretty full.
Thank you in advance for your prayers.
Bob
I'm just going to make this brief. I want to let you know that things are starting to happen. Continue to pray for me in that my body will react to the medication positively, but also, pray for the doctors who are (and will) treat me.
First, I will see Dr. Doug Clark on Monday, 10-13. He is a radiation oncologist. He is the one Dr. Keefer has asked to evaluate me for the radiation on my spine and other tumors. Then, on Tuesday, I'll have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Ben White, my neurosurgeon. I think he'll be pleasantly surprised that I have healed as much as I have, and that I really don't have a great deal of pain. I have spoken to Dr. Keefer on the phone a few times this week and he is still trying to get my insurance company to approve the PET scan that he has requested. He wants me to start the chemo and steroid therapy as soon as possible. But he wants a PET scan before we start.
I plan to ask the surgeon to release me to work partial days for a few weeks and then hopefully go back to work full time on 1-11. I know I'll miss work periodically due to treatments, and etc. But, I just have to go back to work. Part of my desire to go back to work is to get me out of this house! I'm getting more claustrophobic as time goes by. I have to get back around people. It helps pull the focus off of me and I can focus on tasks at hand.
I apologize for the use of the "Random Words" but that seems to be the way my mind operates. Today's Random Word is: ADJUSTMENT
I am having to make lots of adjustments in my life. I've not driven a car in over a month so my independence has been compromised and I have had to adjust to that. I have been a right-side sleeper all my life. Now, with the steel rods in my spine, I am having to adjust to sleeping on my back. I am having to adjust to forcing myself to eat substantial food. I'd do fine with bran flakes, ham and cheese on whole wheat, and Campbell's low sodium soup, but I also know I need real food to help my body heal. Also, I am adjusting to the fact that I don't have the energy I did when I was younger... (ok. I don't even have the energy I did 6 months ago.) I'm having to adjust to the fact that I fatigue really quick.
So, I'm adjusting. I have a pretty good attitude, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have moments when I get sad or upset. When I get the "blues" I try to remind myself to recall the first four lines of a famous prayer... "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It helps me get through the tough times.
Continue to pray for me and for Debbie. With looking out after me, teaching full time, and concern for her own mother who is in the hospital in McAlester, Debbie's dance card is pretty full.
Thank you in advance for your prayers.
Bob
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Another Note from Bob....
I think I am just going to turn the blogging over to him, he's much better at it than me. ; )
Dear Family and Friends;
Some random words have been floating in my head today. So, I will just write what is on my heart.
HOPE: My oncologist called me today to discuss some treatment options. They are getting the induction set up and he thinks we can get treatment started by next week. He also said that my stem cell transplants will have to be in Tulsa at St. Francis (apparently that is where my HMO requires them done.) So, in a few months, I’ll have to be in Tulsa for 3 or 4 weeks. Of course all of this can change “in the twinkling of an eye”, as the Good Book says.
LIMITATION: I was in surgery for 8 hours and took 9 units of blood, so I ended up a little anemic. I tire pretty fast, but I know I’m getting stronger all the time. I try not to sleep for long periods during the day because if I do I don’t sleep well at night. Today I have been trying to do work-type activities in hopes that I can begin the process of getting back to work sooner than later. However, I know my limitations and I can’t afford to get too tired or in too much pain.
KINDNESS: I have run completely out of sick leave and will deplete all my vacation time pretty fast. I have many co-workers who have offered to give me leave, which will certainly help. Folks from our Bible class at church and the staff at Debbie’s school have been generous to bring food and have offered to provide even more. It is humbling to recognize the fact that people care as much as they do and are willing to help.
I am going to stop here. We still request your thoughts and prayers. And, we still believe in specific prayers. So here is the short list of prayer requests:
1. That our insurance company will work with us in treatment.
2. That when the treatments start that my body will respond to the treatment.
3. That Debbie can keep up with the demands of looking after me, teaching, and going to McAlester when she can to go see her mother who is in the hospital there.
(And if you know me at all you will know this is the craziest prayer request to date!)
4. That I can regain an appetite to substantial foods that can help my body heal. I just don’t feel like eating much, and without the proper nutrients I can’t get my strength back.
Grace & Peace to all… More when I can muster the energy.
-Bob
Dear Family and Friends;
Some random words have been floating in my head today. So, I will just write what is on my heart.
HOPE: My oncologist called me today to discuss some treatment options. They are getting the induction set up and he thinks we can get treatment started by next week. He also said that my stem cell transplants will have to be in Tulsa at St. Francis (apparently that is where my HMO requires them done.) So, in a few months, I’ll have to be in Tulsa for 3 or 4 weeks. Of course all of this can change “in the twinkling of an eye”, as the Good Book says.
LIMITATION: I was in surgery for 8 hours and took 9 units of blood, so I ended up a little anemic. I tire pretty fast, but I know I’m getting stronger all the time. I try not to sleep for long periods during the day because if I do I don’t sleep well at night. Today I have been trying to do work-type activities in hopes that I can begin the process of getting back to work sooner than later. However, I know my limitations and I can’t afford to get too tired or in too much pain.
KINDNESS: I have run completely out of sick leave and will deplete all my vacation time pretty fast. I have many co-workers who have offered to give me leave, which will certainly help. Folks from our Bible class at church and the staff at Debbie’s school have been generous to bring food and have offered to provide even more. It is humbling to recognize the fact that people care as much as they do and are willing to help.
I am going to stop here. We still request your thoughts and prayers. And, we still believe in specific prayers. So here is the short list of prayer requests:
1. That our insurance company will work with us in treatment.
2. That when the treatments start that my body will respond to the treatment.
3. That Debbie can keep up with the demands of looking after me, teaching, and going to McAlester when she can to go see her mother who is in the hospital there.
(And if you know me at all you will know this is the craziest prayer request to date!)
4. That I can regain an appetite to substantial foods that can help my body heal. I just don’t feel like eating much, and without the proper nutrients I can’t get my strength back.
Grace & Peace to all… More when I can muster the energy.
-Bob
Saturday, October 4, 2008
From Bob...
Dad sent this email out a few days ago, and he says things a lot better than I do! I thought I should share....
10/2/08
Brothers and Sisters -
This afternoon Debbie and I went to talk to Dr. Keefer, the oncologist. As many of our class members can attest hearing the word "cancer" in any context is a shock. But still, Dr. Keefer says the plasmacytoma is "highly treatable", and the bone marrow scan only shows 15% of the damaging cells from the 100% possible. The only tumors (lesions) they could see was one on the 8th rib, upper spine, and one right in the top of my head. The one on my head is positioned perfectly that if I were a Christmas tree ornament, it would be exactly where the little wire doo-dad goes. :-)
So, where do we go from here? Dr. Keefer has ordered a new round of blood work and a PET scan. Once he gets all of this new evidence with the old evidence, he'll have a clearer picture of what to do.
Now the choices - I asked about MD Anderson. I explained I didn't want to shoot a gnat with a howitzer but I wanted to get the best treatment possible. I asked him what he would do. He said the leading multiple myeloma docs in the US were in Little Rock, and he could refer me. I asked if we could start the treatment here and watch it for 30-60-90 days and if the treatment did not look like it was progressing successfully, then go to Little Rock. He said that would certainly be fine.
I plan to start the treatment here as soon as Dr. Keefer is ready. All of my support systems (family, spiritual, and medical) are already in place. To go to Little Rock for even a few weeks will impede my progress. I believe I’m doing what God wants me to do. Since all of this began, I have spoken my absolute trust in God, and we have prayed for the doctors to do all they can do for us. God has blessed us with 100% care so far, and I don’t see anything that makes me think he will not bless us as we continue in this path.
Love you--- Robert "Bob" Utley
10/2/08
Brothers and Sisters -
This afternoon Debbie and I went to talk to Dr. Keefer, the oncologist. As many of our class members can attest hearing the word "cancer" in any context is a shock. But still, Dr. Keefer says the plasmacytoma is "highly treatable", and the bone marrow scan only shows 15% of the damaging cells from the 100% possible. The only tumors (lesions) they could see was one on the 8th rib, upper spine, and one right in the top of my head. The one on my head is positioned perfectly that if I were a Christmas tree ornament, it would be exactly where the little wire doo-dad goes. :-)
So, where do we go from here? Dr. Keefer has ordered a new round of blood work and a PET scan. Once he gets all of this new evidence with the old evidence, he'll have a clearer picture of what to do.
Now the choices - I asked about MD Anderson. I explained I didn't want to shoot a gnat with a howitzer but I wanted to get the best treatment possible. I asked him what he would do. He said the leading multiple myeloma docs in the US were in Little Rock, and he could refer me. I asked if we could start the treatment here and watch it for 30-60-90 days and if the treatment did not look like it was progressing successfully, then go to Little Rock. He said that would certainly be fine.
I plan to start the treatment here as soon as Dr. Keefer is ready. All of my support systems (family, spiritual, and medical) are already in place. To go to Little Rock for even a few weeks will impede my progress. I believe I’m doing what God wants me to do. Since all of this began, I have spoken my absolute trust in God, and we have prayed for the doctors to do all they can do for us. God has blessed us with 100% care so far, and I don’t see anything that makes me think he will not bless us as we continue in this path.
Love you--- Robert "Bob" Utley
Friday, October 3, 2008
Oncologist Update
Dad met with the oncologist yesterday. They found one more small spot on his skull. The plan is he will do a PET scan in the next week. Once that is done he will start chemo/radiation/and steroids. After a few months he can head to Little Rock (if he wants to, and if he isn't getting the results he is wanting.) Little Rock apparently is the multi-myloma (spelling??) capital of the world and they have many specialist, etc in that area.
We are praying that all the treatments remove the cancer completely!
Who's good? GOD is good!
We are praying that all the treatments remove the cancer completely!
Who's good? GOD is good!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday Update
The blogger is always the last to know! I didn't have the story right for today!
This is what is really going on....
Tuesday (today) was the body survey. This is x-rays of his entire body searching for more cancerous spots. (Our prayer is that no more spots were found.)
Wednesday they will go back for the bone marrow test. (That the painful one.)
Thursday they go meet with Dr. Keefer (the oncologist) to find out the results.
So there you have it. And if that's not right, I blame Bob (on pain meds) and Debbie (she's sleep deprived!)
This is what is really going on....
Tuesday (today) was the body survey. This is x-rays of his entire body searching for more cancerous spots. (Our prayer is that no more spots were found.)
Wednesday they will go back for the bone marrow test. (That the painful one.)
Thursday they go meet with Dr. Keefer (the oncologist) to find out the results.
So there you have it. And if that's not right, I blame Bob (on pain meds) and Debbie (she's sleep deprived!)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Prayers on Tuesday
Please keep dad in your prayers on Tuesday. He goes in for the bone marrow test Tuesday afternoon. Years ago he had a bone marrow test done in his sternum, and it was extremely painful. This one will be in his hip, even though it will hurt, hopefully it will be somewhat better than the past experience. Thank you for your prayers, I will let you know what we find out.
God is good!
God is good!
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